We had a long, exhausting day yesterday.  We had meetings with four different doctors (one of which we met with a couple times) between 10am and 4pm…none stop.  Not even for lunch.  We are home now and praying about some decisions.  We appreciate your prayers as we work through this.  In a nut shell, surgery no longer seems like the best option and we are now looking at other options for chemo and radiation.

OK, so here’s the scoop…and I will apologize in advance if this is confusing because it’s still not quite clear in my head yet either.  We discussed many different ideas and scenarios yesterday….enough to make your brain burst.

We got a phone call this morning to tell us what was decided in the doctor’s board meeting and instead of answer:

A. Go directly to surgery on the tumor’s in Josiah’s leg/groin

or answer:

B. Do another round of chemo while we wait for the surgery…just to keep the tumors from growing in the mean time

Instead we got answer:

C. Get an opinion from a thoracic surgeon

What does that mean?  I’m glad you asked 🙂

First of all, the scans that Josiah had on Friday showed no change in the spots in the lungs (but at least they are stable) and also showed shrinking in the tumor in his leg!  That is a very big answer to prayer because we learned yesterday that he had about 50% chance of the tumor shrinking and 50% chance of the tumor growing (which if that had happened we would have had a very different conversation with the doctor yesterday).  That being said, the surgeons are still concerned with the lung legions and want to make sure that they can be removed before they would agree to move ahead with surgery.  Hence, the Thoracic surgeon.  We go back to Iowa City tomorrow to meet with this surgeon.

This journey continues to be a roller-coaster.  Just when we think we’ve gotten used to one idea, another one gets thrown our way.  None of this is easy.  We are trying to take everything into consideration and move as God leads.  There is a part of me that just wants to grab my husband and my babies and just run away from it all.  But that would not be right.  And yes, there is a part of me that just wants to completely fall apart at every turn.  But that would not be productive and I have noses to wipe and diapers to change and owies to kiss and bedtime stories to read and a husband to stand by through sickness and in health (that’s right, I remember the promise I made almost 5 years ago).  I am just as human and fallible as anyone…but I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me and a Heavenly Father who knows just what I need.  When I have no smile left to put on my face…I use His.  When I have no strength to get up with the baby one more time…I use His.  When I don’t think my heart can handle another blow…He whispers my name and reminds me that I am His.  None of this is a surprise to Him.  He is still on the throne and I can trust Him.  It is a choice that I make to trust Him daily, hourly…sometimes it’s not an easy choice but it’s the only one that is right.

I’m not sure how to wrap this up all neat and tidy…but I suppose that is fitting.  My life is not neat and tidy.  Thank you again and again for all your support and prayers.