Christmas was bitter/sweet.  We were blessed with some really precious time as a family and also with our parents and siblings as well.  The kids especially had a blast as usual 🙂  I know that all of this affects them…but they are clueless most of the time which is such a blessing and distraction.  Josiah was able to get special gifts for all his siblings and for Ava as well on top of our normal Christmas shopping.  He wasn’t sure he would be up for getting it all done, but God blessed him with the strength to complete it.

I called Hospice on Christmas Eve morning and they came out that day and set Josiah up with oxygen and a nebulizer.  They were very sweet and wonderful just like everyone said they would be and I am grateful for their support.  I just had a really hard time making that phone call.  It’s not something I ever thought I would have to do.

Josiah’s lungs are getting worse by the day.  We hope that things stabilize…but if things continue to get worse like they are, Josiah’s days here on earth are limited.  I have peace in KNOWING without a doubt that my Love will be Home soon.  His real home that was made perfect for him.  He will be loved completely, in no more pain, and best of all…he will finally see Jesus face to face!  I’m so excited for him!

That said, I have a pain and an ache in my heart that cannot be described.  I am trying to treasure in my heart all the sweet and precious conversations we have had lately.  I refuse to let myself have any regrets.  God’s timing is perfect and even though all I want is more time with my husband, I wouldn’t trade the amazing 5 years I have enjoyed with him for anything.

So, I am putting one foot in front of the other.  Loving on and caring for my husband is a privilege.  I am so thankful for him.

PS  We are telling everyone this.  If you have something that you wish to share with Josiah or something you want to tell him, now is your time.  He is starting to need more meds to help control his pain so he is sleeping more and more.  I don’t know what his timeline is.  Only God knows that.  I can only tell you what I know.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19)

I am struck by that verse every year.  This year is no different.  In some ways I identify with Mary.  She did not choose to carry God’s Son.  She had no choice.  But she did have a choice on how she reacted to the situation.  I feel that way with so many things in my life.  I have no control over it, but I do control my own attitude in the situation.

So, this Christmas I am choosing to have joy.  I am choosing to be truly thankful to be together as a family.  Even if it is our last Christmas as a family of four…I am thankful for what a special gift it is.  I am choosing to enjoy my children’s pure excitement and see Christmas through their eyes. 

Merry Christmas everyone!  May God’s peace fill your hearts and minds.