I could use your prayers this week. Every week has it’s challenges…but I’ve been dreading this week a little for a number of reasons. Ava’s birthday is on Saturday…and we are going to celebrate big time and have a ton of fun (more on that later). But it doesn’t seem right somehow that she should be turning four without her Daddy there. Josiah and I had a conversation sometime in December about what each of us were thinking about Josiah’s future…how much time we thought he had. His long term goal was to make it to his baby girl’s birthday…but we both knew he probably would not. He loved her SO much and was SO incredibly proud of her. He made such a big deal of everything that little girl accomplished…because it was such a big deal. I have this memory of when Ava was three weeks old and Josiah was holding her. Ava lifted up her little head all by herself…and I will never forget the look of absolute pride and joy Josiah had on his face. He insisted that I take a picture.
Everything she did was an answer to prayer. When she was so sick in the hospital, Josiah was my rock. He would go into Ava’s room for long periods of time just to be near his baby and watch out for her. It was SO hard on him to not be able to protect her….SO hard. But he was steady. He never wavered. For Ava’s first night (in the NICU), Josiah spent the entire night with her and would come back to my room to check on me and give me updates. When we were first given the news of her heart defect…Josiah wept…I have never seen him so broken. But he took care of all of us. When we brought Ava home, Josiah surprised me by staying up most of the night before to paint Ava’s room…and then he slept on the floor by her crib just to make sure she was ok. I miss having him here to remember with.
Ava also has her cardiology check-up on Friday. I can think of maybe two cardio appointments that Josiah did NOT make it to. He usually found a way to be there. This time he won’t. I have no reason to think that anything has changed with Ava’s heart…but would you pray for mine. I can’t even describe how much I leaned on Josiah for Ava’s needs in particular. We prayed together, made decisions together, worried together, asked questions together. God is in control…I believe that with everything in me…but I am just torn up about this. I could use the prayers of the saints to lift me up this week and I’m so thankful that I can ask.
Beautiful Things 
Those are tough things to work through. I am praying for your heart to be strong–just as if Josiah was right there with you, because even though he can’t be there…We both know SOMEONE who is. Praying for GREAT news at Ava’s doctor appointment, and a WONDERFUL party!
I am and will continue to pray…..you are in the palm of the Creator….rest.
thank you for letting me pray!
Sweetheart,
I’m hurting badly for you right now! I know there are so many mixed emotions! We are all very thankful to God our sweet little baby Ava is turning 4…PRAISE GOD! Josiah was a wonderful daddy, I remember how carefully he watched over his girls! 🙂 It was a beautiful thing! I pray everyday that God shows you His love like that in little ways…that He wraps His arms around you all right now!
Give your little princess a birthday hug from me…and while you’re at it hug yourself really close too! I want to give those in person soon! 🙂
I love you all so very much!
We will definitely be praying extra hard for your heart this week. I know this is going to be a tough week/weekend for everyone, especially you and Ava. Thank you for sharing your precious memories. When we were talking about the ‘party’ today…it brought back memories of our first visit to see you 3 in the hosipital. Ava was so tiny, fragile and precious and you and Josiah were so loving, strong and proud of your beautiful daughter. I shared a little with Jude how sick Ava was and how Jesus has helped her to be strong and healthy. He was excited and intrigued by the word ‘miracle’. 🙂 Thanks again for sharing that picture…it’s always been one of my favorites! Will be praying for an excellent check up on Friday…HE will be by your side…We love you 3!!! Sarah
Holding you close in my thoughts & prayers, Jess. I can’t believe that Ava will be 4 yrs. old….she truly is a miracle!!! Praying for an excellent check up Friday and for much celebration this week-end for her b-day…..just the way Josiah would want it to be 🙂
Hugs & prayers for the week…..
Judy
We will be praying!
Praying Jess. Thanks for sharing your heart again. Praying much this week. God is right beside you-NEVER leaving you nor forsaking you. Love you much dear friend!
Oh Jess, how I know it must be so hard to do these things without your soul mate and Ava’s daddy. I can relate to you in terms of relying on your husband during the health struggles of little Ava. I was/am so there with Elle, and even now that her apts are just yearly I still find myself getting anxious prior to them. Just know that while Josiah’s not here to encourage you, God is/will be using other means to encourage you.
Psalm 121 is so helpful to me. I will remind you of what it says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? (the same place it always has, even when Josiah was here with you!) My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He WILL NOT let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; ….the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more!”
Praise God we have not man to rely upon for our strength, but him and him alone.
I still would love to have you and the kiddos over soon – maybe in April it will come together for all of us. I will still keep checking in with you – I am praying for you dear Jessica! ~Jen
You are such a wonderful lady.
Although we have never met. I have prayed for your family for a long time. What a blessing you have been to me. Your strength is incredible!! Your love for the Lord inspiring… Keep looking to God everyday for strength. I will keep praying as I read your posts. God is your rock. Your strong tower…
In Christ,
Renee’
Oh, Jess, we will most certainly be lifting you up this week in particular. I am sure it will be so difficult to be without Josiah for such monumental occasions. I pray that you will be able to feel him in your hearts, and know that he is still there celebrating with you.
Love Jen, Craig & Andrew
Praying for you!! I love reading your posts because they always encourge me to be strong and positive like you no matter what I am facing. I will pray for strength, wisdom, and courage!! Happy Birthday to Ava!!
Jess, I don’t know you personally, but feel like I’ve known you forever. I will be conintuing to pray that God will grant you peace, serenity, comfort, strength, wisdom and grace. You are an amazingly strong woman and an inspiration to many. I can only begin to imagine how difficult the struggles are, but would encourage you to focus on the blessings. Josiah knew that you had the strength of your faith in God and the love and support of a community that is your family in Christ that would hold you up through difficult times. Blessings, Stacey
You got it, Jessica. I’ll be praying that the appointment turns into a blessing and a celebration of what God has done in your life. And what a joy to celebrate Ava’s life this week! I’ll pray for peace and strength and a lightness of heart.
Joanna
praying, praying, praying for you!!! I hope she has the best birthday ever! 4 years old is such an exciting time, they are learning so much right now and so excited about every adventure in life!
Heavenly Father, thank you for the hand that you have had over this family. Thank you for seeing them through their times in darkness and thank you that you have shown them your heart of mercy toward them and comforted them when they could not see the way. Father remember this family now as the days and weeks go by as there are times of sadness and times when Jessica feels alone or overwhelmed in the day. Cover her and her children father in the way that only you are able to do. Thank you for that heart you have to do these things for us Father. Thank you that you do walk beside us in our times of brokenness and sadness. Show Your face to Jessica and provide your peace.
In Yahsuah’s name, Thank you, Amen.
Jessica I do not know what it is like to loose a husband but a year ago I lost a family member who was such an enormous part of my life. I could not imagine a world without her but I too watched as her time drew nearer. It has been a journey that left me more broken then I have ever been in my life but at the same time the incredible things my Heavenly Father has done to show me that His hand was on us ALL the way has been so merciful and so amazing. Your story has touched me because I could understand the sadness that comes out of such a loss. It is sure that Abba looks over you and your house. Be blessed in your work as you and Abba guide your home. He is by your side…all the way. He is worthy of praise. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. May your heart be comforted.
Traci R.
Jessica,
Thank you for asking us to pray. It will be my priviledge to pray for you about these specific requests. Rest on the prayers of your brothers and sisters in Christ. Feel GOD’s loving arms surrounding you. Be on the look out for God to show you He is with you.
One of my verses I cling to on this journey is Isaiah 41:13: For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not, I will help thee.
My youngest turns 4 soon too. Birthdays are always bittersweet without my husband. Yet God is faithful.
Thank you for sharing the sweet, precious memories of Josiah and Ava. As hard as it is, keep sharing them. She needs to hear them and you need to tell them.
On my knees for you,
praying
Of course I’ll pray for you. You honor us with your heart story and you honor us by asking to lift you up. God’s spirit of comfort wrap you in His arms this week in particular.
I will be lifting you in prayer so God have mercy for you and Ava. Thank you for updating us about your life and your struggles during this time. I will love to see some pictures of that birthday party and Ava’s smile.
Oh, Jessica, thank you for asking your brothers and sisters in Christ to pray specifically for you this week. Count me in; I’ll be praying more specifically for you and your family this week as you will be facing more milestones.
Jess,
I think of you so often and uphold you in prayer. Praying for extra grace and strength this week. Hard to believe Ava is 4 – how well I remember coming to the hospital, holding her when she first came home, her baby shower, etc. She is an amazing little girl and thankfully we have an amazing, loving God. Hugs,
Deb
Dear Jessica,
You have been so strong for so many of us in ways you will never know until Heaven, but what a privilege to bear your burdens and lift your whole family up, especially during these next days. You are dearly loved!
You got it! Can’t believe it’s been four years. Wow. Lots and lots of memories…just seeing that picture of her holding her head up brought a flood. You can see so much of who she is now in those big eyes that have always been SO expressive. I thank God so much, right now, that Ava is here as a testimony to His GREATNESS. He truly is the only thing in this world that deserves to be called AWESOME and Ava is a walking, talking, skipping, giggling vision of His power…and also His love. She just makes me want to sing praise to Him. I love her for that! I hope she has a fantastic birthday party and we will pray for you. Especially on Friday. I can’t believe she and Charlie are turning 4!!!
I am praying for you and your family members and we know that our loving heavenly Father hears our prayers. Jesus loves you very much and so do I.
Dear Jessica,
I just had prayer for you and will continue to pray that God will give you grace–especially at this time of Ava’s birthday.
Continuing to pray…
Prayers to you and your sweet, sweet birthday girl! I cannot wait for a great report from the doctor! We will be thinking of you all.
My name is Cora Grannan. You don’t know me, but I get prayer requests from Dixie Swisher. Dixie was my daughter, Britni’s art teacher a few years ago.
I just wanted to say that our family would be praying for you and your little girl, Ava. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, Josiah. I was touched deeply by your e-mail, and cannot even imagine how much you must miss him.
Praise the Lord above that with all that your young Ava has faced that she is celebrating her fourth birthday. Truly amazing! I know when you and your family are united in heaven it will be a most joyous day for you all.
When you cross my mind, I will send a prayer to our heavenly father for you. God bless you and your family.
Cora
Praying much for you, Jessica, as you head into tomorrow and Saturday. You are not alone. You will never be alone. Your husband isn’t there physically, but he is watching from above and talking to Jesus and praising Him for how he is working in your life.
You are not alone. Your Heavenly Father is with you all the way.
You are not alone. Your are being carried by the love and prayers of hundreds and hundreds of saints.
On my knees for you,
Still praying sweetie! You and Ava will be lifted up in prayer continuously tomorrow! So anxious to see you 3…we love you! Big Hugs…Sarah
praying today Jess.
Have been praying for you today. I hope Ava’s appointment went well!
Blessings,
Joanna
Praying for your dear family, and wishing Ava a very Happy Birthday! We are so touched by your strength and God’s faithfulness! Carol & Dick
I’m praying for you today, with tears and hope in the living Jesus. I pray you’ll feel His presence, comfort, love, and joy today. We are weak but He is strong.
In Him,
Linda Mohler