Today was not pretty.  I would describe myself as a mess today.  I am finding grief to be highly unpredictable.  I woke up feeling so lost and alone…and I’ve been crying much of the day and unable to stop.  I sobbed, curled up on the bathroom floor, for a long time this morning unable to even “do the next thing”…which was getting my kids out of bed.  I felt so weak and helpless…struggling to gain some control.  Eventually I did force myself up and was able to get the kids ready for the day…but I knew I wouldn’t be able to care for them, so I had my mom come pick them up for the day.  That made me cry more….remembering all the times this past year when I had to send them away…I hated doing that…I hated that sad/confused look on Ava’s face…but I knew it was needed for all of us.  I stayed home…read my Bible…prayed…listened to some music…took a nap…watched a movie…sent some e-mails…listened to a sermon…had a couple visitors…and cried…a lot.  Apparently, I needed some concentrated time to grieve…so I took it.  This is very like me…to go and go and go and just crash.  I crashed big time today…and I’m letting myself be ok with that.  God has shown Himself to me in a variety of ways today.  He knows the extent of my pain better than I know myself and He is here with me.  So…yes, I felt the floor drop out from under me today…but do you know who was there waiting to catch me?  The loving arms of my Savior (Deut.33:27).