So…my birthday is this week…ok, actually it’s tomorrow.  And I’m not writing this to gain attention…I just needed to write it down to admit that it’s actually going to happen.  You see, I’ve been in a bit of denial…just not wanting to face it.  It’s just one more “first” and honestly, I just wanted to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t coming.  But it’s here and I can’t control that.  I have almost sat down several times to write about this and reminisce past birthdays spent with my Beloved and lament all the years we were “supposed” to have together.  I was struggling with all of this just last night and pouring it out at my Savior’s feet.  Admitting that I knew I needed to get my heart ready for His blessings that He wanted to give me…but also admitting that I just didn’t want to.  So, in essence I was telling God that I didn’t want His blessings.  How foolish.  And how vain that I thought that I could dictate what God wanted for me.  All my foolishness and heart-ache has been crashing down today.  God’s blessings have poured down and I am so humbled and thankful that He sees me where I am and He sees what I think I need, and He gives me what He knows I need anyway.

So, tomorrow’s my birthday.  I will be 26 years old.  I wouldn’t have believed all God had planned for me last year so I won’t even try to guess His plan for me this year.  All I know is He is good and He is faithful and bit by bit He is healing my bruised and bleeding heart just as He promised.  Over the past few days, I did come out of my funk long enough to make some plans…we’ll see how it all turns out!  My heart’s prayer for tomorrow is that I would choose joy.

Aware

(by: Salvador)

Even in the little things
That never seem too big to me
And the things that I thought
Didn’t matter much at all

As simple as my daily bread
To the strength I need to get out of bed
When I fly, when I’m about to Fall

It’s you in me
That I fail to see

Make me aware, make me see
Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found

Make me aware, make me aware

When my life is hanging from a thread
And I think about the things you said
In this moment seems so far away

Help me see the guarantees
That first brought me to believe
So I can make it through another day

Oh, it’s you in me
That helps me to breathe

Make me aware, make me see

Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found

Make me aware
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
All acknowledging you’re the reason I’m even here

I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch

Make me aware, make me aware

Help me see, Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware