August 16th…the day my husband was born.  He would have been 28 today.  How does one celebrate the birthday of someone who has died?  I suppose everyone has to figure that out on their own.  I knew, at least for my kid’s sake, that I could not ignore this day…well, I couldn’t even if I tried.  So, I started preparing Ava a couple of days ago and her first response to hearing about her Daddy’s birthday was “are we going to celebrate?”.  I said, you bet baby, we are going to celebrate.  But how do you do that?  Well, if you were me, this is what you might have done…

You may have bought your children rocks and let them go to town painting them…

and you may have bought balloons…one saying “Happy Birthday Dad” and was left at the cemetery and three more which you may have let go and watched float away…

and you may have attempted to take a picture with your kids…thinking that if you took a picture there that maybe, just maybe, it would feel like a complete family picture…but found it not to work…again…

and you may have written notes, on the before mentioned rocks, for your children…and then let them show them off a bit…

and then you may have heard your little girl say she needed to go potty (hmmm…deja vu) and you may have smelled a certain funny smell coming from your little boy.  So, you probably would have decided to leave and while driving away you may have listened to your husband’s favorite song and wondered what his favorite song was now.  You probably heard your little girl change her mind about needing a certain facility and convinced yourself that a your little boy didn’t really smell that bad.  Then you may have stopped on your way home to get a car wash and then decided to grab a bite to eat at Sonic, which may have been conveniently next door.  And when you got there and ordered your food, you may have decided to eat at a picnic table because the day was so gorgeous (after you took a certain indecisive and small-bladdered girl to the bathroom for good measure of course).

and you may have driven home and watched your kids tear apart the house…which may or may not have included a certain little boy getting in touch with his feminine side…

and then you probably would have put said little boy down for a nap, then baked a birthday cake with your little girl, then tried to rest a bit yourself before packing up and heading to get Lincoln’s eyes checked…

and while playing with the toys in the waiting room you probably would have listened to Ava talk to her imaginary friend on the phone…and you may or may not have participated in said conversation…

and after receiving good news from the eye doctor, you may have been almost as happy as Link was upon receiving a sticker with his current most favorite thing on it…

and you may have thought your son looked like a stud when, for the first time in his life, he kept his sunglasses on because of his eyes being dilated and sensitive to light…

and you may have forced yourself to make supper and then allowed your children to watch a movie while they ate because you were feeling emotionally spent and knew the day was not over yet.  You would then make yourself help the children decorate the cake you baked…

then you would let your daughter sing “Happy Birthday” to her Daddy and you would use trick candles just to make your kids giggle and yourself smile…

then you would take a picture together (but Lincoln would be looking straight at the camera and because his eyes were still dilated, they would be ridiculously red and you would have to change the photo to black/white)

and just to prove that you can be a fun mom, you would take a silly picture…

oh, and another one, just for kicks…

maybe one more…

Then you would have let your daughter stick her finger in the frosting and lick it off multiple times because it was too late to eat an actual piece and the thought of it made you want to choke anyway.

And that would be the end of the picture taking for the day because it was bed time.  Plus you were a bit drained after keeping your son from any major scrapes and dealing with four-year-old drama which included her muttering, and I quote “I’m just not going to leave my room for three days”…how old is she again?  But then you would remember all the hugs that your sweet boy gave out that day and you would revel in how contentedly he went to bed.  And you would have a precious conversation with your daughter about heaven, which included you mentioning how amazing it will be to see Jesus and all the other people that we will meet and hearing Ava say:

“and we will meet Daddy” (with the most precious little smile on her face).

You would reply, “yes baby, we will see Daddy”

and then she would say the words that tug at your heart “and no more cancer”. Yes honey, glory be to God, no more cancer.

Because at the end of this day that brought so much pain to your heart, the bottom line is, your Beloved is free and well and celebrating the best birthday he has ever had…and while your heart so yearns for him…you know, without a single doubt, that you will see him one day…and every pain and every tear will be wiped away and you will live in complete and untainted joy for eternity.

If you were me that’s what you would be hanging onto, yearning for, living for…

Do you?