Month: September 2010

Ava-isms

/ heartmomma / 10 Comments
  • “Hey Mom, my banana is so thick.  Mom, can I say my banana is thick?” Me:  “Yes baby, you can say that” Ava: “OK, my banana is so thick. Hey Mom, you are SO thick.”
  • “We are geniuses!” (speaking of herself and her brother)
  • “Hey Ava, did you check on your caterpillar?” Ava: “Yep.  He’s still dead.”
  • “Mom, could you call me Bambi?” Me:  “Sure Bambi, why?” Ava:  “Cause I’m a deer”. Obviously.
  • “I’m just texting boys from Jr. High.” Oh boy.
  • “Jesus conquered the grape.” No, that’s not a typo.
  • “That’s impressive”
  • “I’m gonna marry you Mom”
  • Ava: “A monkey jumped on my juice box a couple days ago.” Me:  “Really?  Did he drink it all up?” Ava:  “No.  He just took the straw and then I took the juice box away and he was sad at me.”
  • “Someday, I’m gonna do great things with God!”
  • “Thanks!  I appreciate it.”
  • Me: “Hey baby, why are you just following me around and being so quiet?  What’s wrong?” Ava:  “Sometimes people just do that sometimes”.

Yep, I’m still here!

/ heartmomma / 9 Comments

We had a picnic tonight.  On our deck.  Sitting at the new table and chairs I bought at a garage sale last week.  I grilled hamburgers for the first time.  We chatted and giggled.  But…there was an empty chair.  Chairs always come in a group of four…not three.  And while I did find a sense of accomplishment in learning to grill…I found no happiness in it.  The smell was fantastic and something I have missed this summer…but it made me miss him even more.  It’s been over seven months and the ache in my heart is very much still there.  Ava still misses her Daddy (she mentioned that several times just tonight).  Sometimes I think I just don’t want to truly face the pain every day.  So even thought it’s still there, I choose not to put it into words.

We have been crazy busy lately…but at the end of the day, I still face silence and an empty bed.  I have grown used to being the one to answer my children’s cries and not having someone else to help.  There are times when I feel exhausted, but I have to put that aside because I don’t always have the luxury of being tired.

With each change of season brings new pain.  Memories can be very heavy.  Just normal activities can bring up unexpected heartache.  I’ve been going through the kids clothes the past few weeks and I did not expect seeing things they wore last year to bring up such vivid and crushing memories.  The clothes they wore when they last saw their Daddy, or the outfits I picked out for them to wear to their Daddy’s funeral…it all seems so wrong and yet it’s our life…our reality.

We have started to find our “normal”.  It’s very different, but it’s ours.  There are days when I struggle with contentment, loneliness, patience with my children, loving and obeying my Savior…OK, so I struggle with those things EVERY day.  But I don’t think I’m all that different from anyone else…I’m just also grieving the loss of my best friend on top of it all.  Those of you that tell me you are still praying for us are so precious to me.  I will hopefully find my blogging groove again soon.  Until then know that we laugh every single day, we love each other to the moon and back, and our God is faithful, still on His throne and we’ll see Him soon.

Good-night