December | 2010 | Beautiful Things

The kids and I had our little Christmas today and really, for the most part, had a wonderful time together. Can’t say my heart is really into it, but I can’t help but catch my children’s excitement…I’m thankful for their contagious joy! We had one really bad moment where I just lost it and went to my room crying. It was something silly, but I guess it was the final straw. I could hear Ava crying in her room next door asking me if I was OK and saying “I know your sad Mommy and I know you miss Daddy…cause I miss him too”. That broke my heart. So, I sent up a flare to heaven asking for strength to finish the day and we carried on. I love how quickly little ones can move on to the next thing…wish I could be like that sometimes.

But…mostly I’ve been trying to really, intentionally, focus on the true meaning of this season and it’s not about me or about our loss…it’s about Christ. I’m so thankful that He was so willing to come to this dirty, messy world in such a dirty, messy way, because He loved such a dirty mess as me. Thank you God for that precious gift!

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I’ve done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now

[chorus:]
———————————–
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven

Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy

Breath of Heaven
———————————–

Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

“I’m concerned about this”

“Monsters come out at night” Me: “There’s no such thing as monsters honey. They’re just pretend.” Ava “Well, mosquitoes come out at night”

Speaking to the kids in the bathtub: “Hey guys, don’t drink the water” Ava: “We’re not. We are just sticking the water on our tongues.” Hmmmm…

“Strange cheese”. (string cheese)

Ava: “Where’s my Daddy?” Me: “You know where he is baby…he’s in heaven with Jesus right?” Ava: “Yes. I think he’s fishing today”

“I saw a shadow and I was like, hmmm, I think that’s my Daddy’s”

Conversation we had at the dinner table (P.S. “Goon” is Ava’s imaginary friend): Me: “Sometimes you pretend to be Goon’s daddy don’t you?” Ava: “Yes. I rescue him.” Me: “You rescue him? Is that what Daddy’s do?” Ava: “Of course!”

(conversation in the car at night) Ava: “What am I doing?” Me: “I can’t see what you’re doing sweetie, it’s too dark. Can you just tell me?” Ava: “I’m just picking my nose.”

When Ava is told she’s lookin’ good she will reply: “Thanks. I get my looks from my Mama!”

(Upon being told I was going to the dentist): Ava: “You are going to be a brave little girl aren’t you Mom. And you are not going to scream are you cause you are big enough not to do that aren’t you?”