Yes, Ava’s special day has kinda turned into birthday week.  And I say, why not?  She’s only five once 🙂

OK, she looks TOO old in this one...

That's a little bettter 🙂

Her actual birthday was on Sunday but because we had just come home from vacation on the Friday before and had a full day on Saturday, her actual party is not until this coming Saturday.

But…I couldn’t let March 27th go by without doing something special.  It’s not only the day she was born, but it also marks the day I became a mom.  So, after church, I found a sitter for Link and then Ava and I had a special birthday date…just the two of us. I took her to a big girl restaurant and after our meal we shared a birthday cupcake.

Holding up the digits

After lunch, I surprised her by taking her to the toy store and letting her pick out her first bike.  She was pretty excited!  After much deliberation, we finally chose the perfect bike and then all the trimmings of course…basket, streamers, bell…it’s very Ava:)  We had such a good time together.  I loved being able to spend time with just her and drink in all her five-year old glory.  She loved telling everyone that it was her birthday 🙂  She brought treats to her Sunday school class that night and ate up all the attention she received all day.  It was a great day!

In the couple of weeks previous, her and I have had several hard conversations about her Daddy.  She mentions often that she misses him, but lately she has struggled more.  We’ve gone on a couple of trips and new places or changes seem to make her sad.  She was the flower girl in Josiah’s best friends wedding, and while she was super excited about it, she was also sad that her Daddy wouldn’t be there to watch.  She also recognized that her connection with her “Uncle Mike” was through her Dad.  She was even sad about the possibility of getting a bike because she knew her Daddy would not be there to teach her to ride it and she somehow figured out that teaching that was a Daddy thing.  She just continues to amaze me by all she understands.  She hurts very deeply for being so young and a part of me just wants to scoop her up and make it better…to shield her from all of this.  But, she hurts deeply because she loves deeply and I would never take away the love she has for or the memories she has of her Daddy.  So, I hold her close and wipe her tears as mine trickle down my face and our hearts are knitted closer together as they break, and we talk about Jesus’ love and how great heaven will be.  And I can see how God is drawing her to Himself and that brings me joy in the midst of sorrow.  Ava has told me numerous times lately that she has asked Jesus to be her Savior and I rejoice with her!  I don’t doubt her (actually I’ve seen a difference in her the last few months).  But I can’t see her heart so it hasn’t changed how I sow the gospel in her life…she still needs truth regardless.

With her birthday also comes the time for her annual cardiac check-up.  It’s scheduled for tomorrow morning.  While I have no reason to suspect anything and I’m thankful that I feel so much stronger emotionally this year compared to last year…it still makes me nervous.  I know life could change in an instant for her.  But I trust my Father with her life completely.  She’s been asking questions about her heart for a while now and while we’ve never kept anything a secret, I’ve been giving her information only as I think she can handle it.  I can’t believe I was afraid of this.  I can’t believe I fretted and worried about what I would tell her when she got older.  I LOVE sharing with her about the work God has done in her life.  I LOVE pointing out her scars (or “beauty marks” as we call them) and explaining what each one is for.  Her body is like a map of God’s love and mercy and I LOVE sharing that with her.  I LOVE telling her just how very blessed and loved she is.  I LOVE that I get to tell my daughter her story and watch her claim it as her own.  These conversations have proven to be absolutely nothing to be afraid of…God is good!