I know it’s been forever.  And yes, I did use an “Ava-ism” post to buy some more time.

Let’s see….we have been busy,we have been sick, and we have been busy.  That sums up the past month in a nutshell.  I’ve had many posts swirling around in my head, but never seemed to get them typed out.  I’ve been trying to rearrange my priorities and how I spend my time and blogging just hasn’t found it’s place yet…but I’m sure it will in time.

Since about a week after the one year mark of Josiah’s death (which was much harder on me emotionally than I anticipated), the Lord has been doing some new tugging on my heart.  For now, the specifics are just between Him and me and we have been doing some wrestling.  I am honestly so thankful and a bit surprised that my heart could be touched in this way.  My heart has been so broken and beat down and it’s been so long since I was actually excited about my life…it feels good!  I am also terrified.  Potentially stepping in new directions without my partner really scares me.  But I’m more afraid of missing out on God’s plan for me and the blessings I know He will bestow.  I have moved beyond the desire to just lead a comfortable life.  No, I want to live with abandon.  I want to give my all so that when I get to heaven I am completely spent and actually ready to enter into the joy of God’s rest because I have nothing more to give.  I still don’t really know where God is going to lead me or when He will…but my answer is yes.

Ava’s 5th birthday is right around the corner which brings up a range of emotions for both her and I.  It’s hard to fathom that this is her second birthday without her Daddy here to celebrate with her and she’s old enough this year to start understanding that.  Breaks my heart to see her precious heart hurting.  But mostly I’ve been remembering and marveling about her life…and I am so immensely thankful for her and all that God has done and will do in her.  My heart is positively bursting with gratitude that she has made it this far…and she’s gonna be FIVE!  I’m just so amazed by that.  Every year is such a milestone.  Last year I was just putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next thing…and that was it.  This year I am thankful that I am able to reflect and remember…and remember with joy and thanksgiving!  I’m sure I will be devoting more posts to her in the next week 🙂

I guess that’s all for now.  Thanks for sticking with me 🙂