December | 2011 | Beautiful Things

“Oh, sing to the Lord a NEW song! For He has done marvelous things…” Psalm 98:1

This is the verse that I read the next day. I kept reading it over and over trying to let it sink into my very distracted brain 🙂 I just felt like there was something I was supposed to see and then the word “new” kept jumping out at me. Because that is exactly what the Lord was doing to my heart! Not that I didn’t have reasons to sing before…that wasn’t it. But it truly felt like God was teaching my heart a brand NEW song to sing. It was like God was melting away the hard shell that I had built around my heart to protect me from being discontent with being a widow and single mom. God, in His love and mercy was melting that shell and awakening something wonderful and it wasn’t the same song, second verse…oh no! It was a brand new song! And that knowledge helped explain the weird almost burning sensation I had been feeling in my chest over the past few days. Because when Josiah died I felt an actual physical pain in my chest that made it hard to breathe sometimes, so why wouldn’t I feel something when God was completing His healing and bringing new life in such an amazing way?

So, D and I started dating! We talked for hours and hours and hours and hours about pretty much everything. We found that we agreed on most things. And God started knitting our hearts together. It didn’t take long before we realized that we cared for each other deeply…that we loved each other and that God was leading our lives to becoming one.

So…a few weeks ago after we had been dating for a while, D and I were out on a date and he took me back to the place where our relationship started…the coffee shop where we met that first time. And D took me over to a tree nearby and told me a story that I had not heard. He reminded me of our texting “conversation” before we had that first meeting when he told me that he wanted to have a date with me. Well, unbeknownst to me, he had been standing under that very tree that night. He talked about how he had asked me a question that night we had been texting (when he asked me if I wanted him to stop communication and give me time to think and pray) and it was a difficult question to ask but that he had felt at peace with asking it because he fully trusted that God was in control…and now he needed to ask me a different question…and he got on one knee in the snow and mud and asked me to marry him and become his wife! I said something super romantic like “are you messing with me?” and then I said “Yes!”…and then I couldn’t remember if I had said yes so I said it again 🙂 My eyes teared up a little but mostly I just couldn’t stop giggling! It was like God had wiped away my tears and replaced them with a bubbling joy that I could not contain!

So, we are engaged 🙂 and planning a wedding for the spring 🙂 And that is where I’m going to end this series because I think I’m up to date now. But it’s not the end of the story…oh no! Lord willing, it’s only the beginning!

Now…it’s finally time to reveal the true identity of the mysterious “D”.

His name is Dustin and I am beyond thankful to God for bringing him into my life! He loves the Lord first and foremost. He’s sweet, and funny. He’s a talker and a great listener. He pays attention to detail and reads people really well. He has two beautiful daughters and is a very fun Daddy 🙂 He challenges me. He’s not afraid of criticism or correction. He has an amazing story of God’s grace in his life. His honesty is refreshing. And he loves me…like a lot 🙂I’m SO blessed!

**I’m enjoying all your comments and encouragement so much! Thank you! While I understand you may have questions please understand two things, I may not have time to answer all of them and also, I have not shared every detail of our story for a reason and I trust you can respect my privacy and right to do that. Most of all, I want to bring honor to my King in what I write…after all, our story comes from Him!

(Sorry for the delay in posts. I could give you some excuses but I figure you want me to just dive back into the story instead, so here you go…)

Saturday finally came. The big day where D and I would meet and see where God took us. I woke up early that morning, got ready, and headed to our agreed upon meeting place….a coffee shop. I was remarkably calm. I had no doubt that this was where God was leading and I had always felt very comfortable talking with D before this so I wasn’t worried about that.

D was already at the coffee shop when I got there. I had a suspicion that he probably got there much earlier than we had planned…it was just a hunch but it turned out to be correct 🙂 I was not nervous…at all. But I noticed D’s hand shook a little as he got his coffee. He told me later that he just didn’t have a clue what I was going to say so that’s what made him a little anxious. We found a seat and started talking. We talked for at least three hours without stopping. We covered a lot of ground in a wide range of topics. From finances to kids to God’s timing to…well, you name it and we probably covered it. We pulled no punches. We saw no point in doing that nor did either of us feel we had that luxury. This was a big deal that didn’t just affect our lives but our kid’s and families lives as well.

But at the very beginning of our conversation, right after we sat down with our coffee, D looked at me and said he had something kinda crazy to tell me. He prefaced this by saying that he didn’t think too deeply into dreams but this dream was one that was worth telling. He had just had this dream the night before and in his dream he was in his bedroom sitting on the bed. He was just sitting and when he looked up, Josiah was standing there and Josiah said “here’s what you need to know about Jess” and then in the dream Josiah went over to the dresser, opened a drawer and pulled out an envelope, and handed it to D. D opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper, but when he looked down to read it he saw that it was blank. D then looked up and instead of Josiah standing there, it was D’s wife Becca. She looked at him and smiled and said “It’s OK. It’s really OK.”

And then D woke up.

Both Josiah and Becca were very altered by their cancer when they died, but in D’s dream they were both fully restored and dressed in white. He said it was just so clear and real feeling.

Wow, was all I could say after D was done telling me his dream. Now I don’t put much thought into dreams either, but I believe God can and has used dreams if He wants to…and I don’t believe that dream was a coincidence. God is a God of details and His hand was so very evident in the details of bringing us together.

At the end of our conversation that day, neither one of us quite knew how to leave it. It was clear to both of us that God was doing a work, we just didn’t know where it was heading yet…or what to call “us” exactly. But we were both just excited, wherever God led us!

I drove home and decided to try to take a nap. That didn’t work. So, I made a quick lunch and drove to the park to try to eat. Well…I still couldn’t really eat either. But I also couldn’t stop smiling…I mean literally, I really couldn’t stop! Eventually, I drove over to my parents house to talk with my Mom and I was telling her about how the morning went and I said “Mom, I’m just so…happy! That may sound silly, but it just feels so good to be happy…it’s been a while.” And that is how I felt and in my text messages back and forth with D…he felt the same way! God was working and in His goodness and love He was bringing such a giddy, wonderful, warm, deep, happiness into our lives and it was SO good!

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To be continued…