I started writing a post last night in a quiet idyllic setting in the light of the Christmas lights after my kids were asleep. It was deep and introspective.

Then I woke up today to a sad and feverish little boy who just wants cuddles and Paw Patrol.

Real life.

Sometimes reality checks are good for me. They bring me back from my too deep thoughts. Because sometimes I just think too much. So I decided to start this post over and combine the introspective with the practical.

Yesterday was full of remembering. It was the ten year mark of my miscarriage of my sweet baby Grace. I always remember but it’s been a long time since I felt this emotional. Such a deeply personal memory. But in my sadness, I also remembered all of the blessings. My Mom remembers every year and that is so sweet to me. I remember going to a family Christmas within weeks of losing Grace and my Aunt staying up late and just listening to my raw thoughts and emotions. I’ll never forget that. I have a box with all of the sweet cards and notes I was sent from loving family and friends. I remember my Grandpa sharing his own sorrow of losing his great grandchild and how that made me feel less alone in my loss. And I have other memories that are just for me.

I have always felt a certain amount of melancholy during the holidays, even as a child. I’d like to put my finger on the reason…but I think it’s a whole mixture of things. This is not always the “happiest time of the year”, and that’s ok. I do love Christmas. I love all the traditions. I love finding that “perfect” gift. I love experiencing my children’s excitement. I love the simplicity and wonder of the Christmas story.

I’ve been reading through the Old Testament in my devotions and over and over God commands us to remember. In Luke 2 it says that “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart”. I’ve always identified with that. This is a perfect season to carve out time to remember, ponder, reflect…and to share! Share the blessings and goodness of God in my life through the hard and sad and also through the happy.

Because if all I do is just dwell and wallow in my sadness then I’ve missed the point. Reflecting and pondering on God’s faithfulness is what brings meaning to my memories and a deep joy in the midst of all the conflicting feelings and emotions.

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deuteronomy 4:9

Remember. Reflect. Ponder. Share.

And have a joyful Christmas!