• In thinking about Mother’s Day about a month ago, I purposed in my heart that I would not feel sorry for myself.  Yes, Josiah will not be here to make my day special (because let’s face it, my kids are currently CLUELESS!)…but that doesn’t mean that I should wallow in self-pity.  Will it be tough?  Yeah, probably…but I can make the most of it.  So, I decided to just buy myself something special…and being a female, I chose jewelry 🙂  There was a “mommy” necklace” I had been eyeing for a while and I just felt like Josiah would say “Honey, just buy it for yourself”…ok, maybe not….but he probably would 🙂  Anyway, I ordered it and it came a couple of weeks ago.

(it's hard to see but each disc has one of the kids names and their birth-stone and I added a pearl for my baby Grace in heaven)

I LOVE it!  It’s just what I wanted.  Of course it was a little bitter/sweet receiving it…but that’s for another post.

• I also bought myself a pair of shoes…you know, for Mother’s day 🙂  Aren’t they ca-ute!

• After much debate, I took my wedding ring off yesterday. It was time.  I had been debating this for months in my head, wondering what to do.  I consulted “Widow’s for Dummies”….oh wait…there is no such manual.  I decided that it’s just one of those things that each widow (or widower) has to decided for themselves.  I felt like I was lying having it on…but I also felt like I was lying taking it off.  I still absolutely LOVE it.  Josiah had it made for me and painstakingly picked out each diamond himself.  I didn’t like the idea of just putting it away, so I am wearing it on my right hand.  I’m still getting used to it.  I feel lop-sided and I still try to play with it on my left hand.  But at least for now, it’s the right thing for me.

• Remember when I mentioned the first time I cleaned my bathroom after Josiah died?  Well…I have yet to wash my sheets.  I know…gross.  But I just haven’t made the time to do it…and I’m sure there is some sentimental reasons mixed in there too.  Like I have said before, I have started a whole new life and that includes re-learning how to do some of the most basic tasks.  And also finding a different motivation to do them then for my husband.

• While we are on the subject.  I still only sleep on “my” side of the bed.  There is usually a stack of pillows on the other side.  That started off as a comfort measure as it made the bed not feel so empty…now it’s just habit.

• I changed my facebook relationship status from “Married” to “Widowed”…ugh.  I wanted to put a giant “dislike” after it.  That may not seem like that big of a deal, but it was hard and something that had been weighing on me to do.  There are lots of things like that.

• I am seriously looking into some changes (and a face-lift) for my blog…stay tuned 🙂

OK, so not all of those are confessions…oh well 🙂

At our house, only God is “awesome“…and oh man, is He ever!  I just had to start this post by saying that.  He has shown Himself to me in so many ways today and my heart is so thankful.  Today marks 3 months since Josiah went to heaven.  Like I’ve said before, I try not to keep too close track of anniversaries…but this one is hard to miss.  Lincoln was born on the 3rd (of December) so it also marks another month older for him…another month without his Daddy…another month that Josiah has enjoyed Paradise…another month that the Lord’s grace has brought us through.  3 months.  It seems like a lot for some reason and I think it was weighing heavier on my heart than I thought because God humbled me with all His blessings today.  I had a funeral to attend this morning for a dear woman from my church who died after a long hard battle with cancer.  She leaves behind a husband and a 5-yr-old son.  My heart was so tender for them.  But no sooner had I walked through the door of the church this morning, when people started coming up to ME, hugging ME, and saying they were praying for ME today.  I was so humbled and moved by that.  God used them to show me His love.  Then, during the memorial service, Pastor shared a story of how this woman reached out to Josiah after he was diagnosed with cancer just a year ago.  She had been through the trenches already and she was anxious to encourage him….us.  I did not know Pastor was going to share that story and I almost lost it…but then I was thankful to hear about my husband.  His memory lives on.  I also had to chuckle later when I thought about how Josiah and I used to joke about how many Sunday’s in a row his name was mentioned in a sermon.  He never sought that attention.  Both of us are, by nature, quiet people.  We lived a simple, quiet life and were content with that.  God had other plans.

Anyway, God showed Himself in other ways today also…I saw Him in sweet moments with my children, in Him allowing me time to rest (I’m still not 100% recovered from the flu last week, although I was able to attend church on Sunday), flowers sent by some dear family, hugs, encouragement, time spent outside, news of an answered prayer….it was a grace filled day.  Of course I had moments that were heavy with loneliness for my beloved…but it’s the joy that’s mixed in that makes it bearable.  I know there were many that were praying for me today…thank you.  They make a difference.  I am blessed.