Thoughts

Checking in

/ heartmomma / 3 Comments

I have good reason for my absence this time.  I caught a lovely…ahem…stomuch bug last week and am still not 100%.  The kids seem fine so far and I am VERY thankful for that.  I missed my “nurse” this week.  Josiah was always so gentle and considerate when I was sick (well, all the time really).  I was so blessed by how much my husband loved me!  But I am continually thankful for those around me who care for me and check up on me…you all don’t know how much that means to me.

My other excuse for not blogging is I was on a little road trip to the fantastic land of IKEA!  I love that store.  And my aunt and uncle live conveniently nearby (in Minnesota), so my mom, brothers, cousin, me, and the kids stayed with them for a couple of days.  It was really fun and I’m excited about the new things I found for our house.  I’m feeling a great need to organize and declutter…to make our house into a comfortable and relaxing home.  Stuff is just stuff after all.

I’m hoping to get some good rest tonight so I’m feeling well enough to go to church tomorrow.  But if I can’t make it, I know God will meet me where I am.  I can so easily lose my focus on Him and my dependency on His leading.  He is all that I need.

Weekend Review

/ heartmomma / 7 Comments
  • My mom and I put together our first garage sale.  We like to go to them together but this was the first one we have actually had ourselves.  It was fun (although time-consuming), we got rid of a lot of stuff, and made some cash.  All in all, a good experience…and we are even starting to talk about next year…we’ll see 🙂  In going through some boxes to find things to sell, I came across a box of wedding gifts that I had completely forgotten about.  Just some cloth napkins and a table runner…but they had never been used and I guess they were just a visible symbol of broken and unrealized dreams.  We never had a nice table to use them on but I so wish that I would have used them anyway.  Life is too short to wait until everything is just right to use those special things…everyday is special.  Everyday is a gift.  When I found them, I completely fell apart on my laundry room floor and sobbed.  It had been a couple of weeks since I had one of my curled up on the floor, uncontrollable, heart-wrenching, cries.  That kind of crying does not feel healing to me…it’s completely exhausting and I will feel it for a couple of days.  I know it’s part of grief…but it hurts.
  • We spent a lot of time with family 🙂  I love that we have so much family close by!
  • Ava and I (and my mother-in-law) were invited to a real english tea party on Saturday.  We had so much fun! It’s a mother/daughter team that put these on and they have a different theme every month.  This month’s theme was Mary Poppins.  Since Ava had never seen Mary Poppins, I bought her the movie last week in preparation and she LOVES it.  Ava was so excited to go (although, I had to burst her bubble and tell her that we would not be drinking tea on the ceiling)!  The tea was such a relaxing and girly thing to do together and I loved sharing that with my girl.

    The tea place was out in the gorgeous country

    Come to find out, Ava loves tea…although about half-way through our time I think the caffeine went to her head and she was a little jittery 🙂

    Ava working on her pinky technique 🙂

  • Usually by the time Sunday rolls around, I am drained and just feeling like I’m not sure I can do this anymore.  Every Saturday night I’m not even sure if I have it in me to make it to church.  But having fellowship with my church family, worshiping in song, and hearing God’s Word preached is incredibly refreshing to my heart.  Sundays help bring my focus to where it should be…on the cross and on my Savior.  Sundays recharge me and give me fuel for another week.  There are usually challenges in the day as well.  My Sunday was going pretty well this week until Sunday night.  I was feeling fine, no problems, just singing with the rest of the congregation, when we started singing “Blessed be Your name”.  It was the first time we had sung it in church since Josiah’s funeral.  Grief hit me out of nowhere like a crashing wave.  My heart started beating really fast (which is normal for me in these kinds of situations), my breathing was heavy and painful…and then the tears started coming.  I had no hope of actually singing the song and I had to leave to go sit down and regain control.  I chose a bathroom stall and did some major deep breathing and crying.  I’ve had these episodes quite a bit these last couple months…but this was the second one this week and I think probably the worst one I’ve had.  A dear friend (who is herself a widow) saw me flee to the bathroom and came in after a few minutes and just gave me a hug.  We chatted a little and then went somewhere to sit for the rest of the service.  I am so thankful for the people who God brings to come alongside me.  So thankful.