We had a good Christmas.  Different…but good.  December was an extremely long month with each day filled with so many vivid memories of last year.  I think it goes without saying that we missed Josiah greatly…but at the same time, I’m so thankful that we are not living that life this year.

2010 is over.  Hard to believe but true.  Years from now, I wonder how I will look back on this year.  The last year Josiah lived.  The year my husband and my kids Daddy died.  The year of grief.  I don’t know.  While there is sorrow in having the year pass by…I am so ready to have it behind me.  January 1, 2010, I came home from hospice with my dying husband and I knew what that year would hold.  I did not welcome the new year with any hope…I dreaded it.

In contrast to this year…I don’t have a lot of knowledge of what will happen this year and I’m soooo OK with that.  In fact I have been surprised with how full of HOPE I have been about this new year.  There is so much pontential in this new year.  I am hopeful for new beginnings, for change, for lessons learned, for learning how to see beauty again, for letting myself be happy, for thriving and not just surviving.  I do not expect these things to happen overnight…but I have HOPE for the process.

The Lord has been gracious in giving me these three passages:

• “that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the HOPE set before us.  This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.”  Hebrews 6:18-20 (The word HOPE was already impressed on my heart when I read this on December 30th)

• ” Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will rest in HOPE.”  Psalm 16:9 (This has been a favorite of mine for several years but God reminded me of it just a few days ago)

• “For we were saved in this HOPE, but HOPE that is seen is not HOPE; for why does one still HOPE for what he sees?  But if we HOPE for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.”  Romans 8:24-25 (This morning instead of reading where I normally would and instead of reading out of my Bible, I grabbed Josiah’s Bible and turned to Romans 8.  This is a favorite chapter and I read it a lot to Josiah last year but haven’t read it in a while and I have never read it out of Josiah’s Bible.  Josiah didn’t write a lot in his Bible but in this chapter I found the date 1/6/04…exactly 7 years earlier.  Pretty cool!)

So, there is my new year post.  Not a recap, and not exactly a resolution, but it’s what’s on my heart.

May 2011 be a year full of God’s blessings and HOPE!