Josiah took a turn for the worse last night.  I think his body is just wearing out.  We dialed back on his pain meds a little yesterday so his mind is clearer…I’m so thankful for that.  He has pretty much been asleep since midnight…he seems peaceful.  I am trying hard to make wise decisions in keeping him comfortable.  That is my main goal right now.  It’s proving to be a hard adjustment to make decisions without discussing it with Josiah first.  We have always been each other’s sounding boards and we trust each other’s judgment so much.  I am missing that already.  He continues to be so precious and tells me he loves me in all his awake moments.  He still has his sense of humor…he proved that earlier today.  He can make me laugh like no one else can…I miss that too.

God continues to give me peace…even in the midst of my heartbreak.  Josiah is ready to go Home…and as much as I can be…I am ready for him to go too.  God’s grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9)…not too much grace, not too little…just enough.  That promise is precious to me today.

“Come, and let us return to the Lord;

For He has torn, but He will heal us;

He has stricken, but He will bind us up.

After two days He will revive us;

on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live in His sight.

Let us know,

Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord.

His going forth is established as the morning

He will come to us like the rain,

Like the latter and former rain to the earth.”

Hosea 6:1-3

I had a very different post written up last night.  It was about how weary I am of sickness and death.  And to an extent, that is still true.  But, God’s mercy is new this morning and “is from everlasting to everlasting” (Ps. 103:17).  These verses in Hosea have been precious to me.  God KNOWS my hurts and what’s more is that He promises to heal them (Ps. 147:3-5).  He knows how my heart hurts as my husband is slowly….slowly…fading away from me.  He knows my hurts as I struggle to calm my husbands night terrors brought on by medication.  He knows how my heart hurts when all I want to do is pour out my heart to my husband like I always do, but knowing that I can’t because he can’t handle it…and I know that because he broken-heartedly admitted it to me.  He knows how my heart hurts when I’m lonely for fellowship with my True Love…but he’s so pumped full of pain meds that he can’t put two words together.  He knows my hurting Mommy heart.  He knows my hurts for others…and He knows their hurts too.

I can’t say it any better than this:

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Isaiah 53:3-4  “He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief….Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows…

Thank you for your diligent prayer for us.  The medication that Josiah has going through his port seems to be working…but we are still trying to find the right dose.  He has been struggling with nausea the last couple days.  Vomiting is very hard on him.  Please cover his body in prayer.  The medication causes him to have times of fear and he has many hallucinations.  Please cover his mind in prayer.  He is never more clear thinking than when we are praying together.  We have had such precious times in prayer together.  In his lucid moments he still so desperately wants to take care of me and I can’t even explain how moving that is to me.  He is constantly thanking me and telling me that he loves me.  I am so incredibly blessed.

Please also be in prayer for baby Sam and his family.  Also, for the Ulrich family (family friend), as Julie (mom of three young children) passed away yesterday from cancer.  May the God of all comfort surround them today.