2 years ago today we learned that our sweet baby had gone to heaven.  This was my second pregnancy and we had only known that we were expecting for a couple weeks…but we were sooooo excited and completely devastated when we learned we would never meet her or hold her or know her on this earth.  I so cherish those memories of the short time we had of planning for her arrival.  I had it all thought out how we would tell our families on Christmas day.  But, that Christmas was very different than we had planned.  Hearing about the “baby” Jesus was so wounding to my raw and healing heart.  I started writing letters to Grace and keeping them in a special box with all the cards and notes and flowers I received from people.  Here is a part of one of those letters:

Dear Sweet Grace,

I had to share the words to a song that always makes me think of you.  It seems like we sang it about every Sunday about the time you went to heaven and it took me a while to be able to sing it or even hear it without crying.  Now, when I hear it, I take time to remember you and how special you will always be to me and how someday I’ll see you for the first time.  What a glorious reunion!

Your Grace is Enough

By: Chris Tomlin

Great is Your faithfulness oh God

You wrestle with the sinner’s heart

You lead us by still waters and to mercy

And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of Your salvation

And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Heaven reaching down to us

Your grace is enough for me

God I see your grace is enough

I’m covered in your love

Your grace is enough for me

For me

……..

Josiah and I have discussed that he will probably get to meet Grace before I do.  I’m a little jealous of that, but he is excited.  God has a purpose and a plan for all things.  I firmly believe that.  He took Grace to be with Him one Christmas, but then blessed me my precious son the very next Christmas.  I do not always understand His ways….but I trust Him.

5 years ago today I married the man God intended for me from the beginning of time.  The man who I prayed for from the time I was a little girl.  The man who was and is my perfect match in every way.  As I think about that girl who woke up on her wedding day 5 years ago, filled with thoughts of wedding vows, and a white dress, and that pair of crystal blue eyes that sparkled every time I walked into the room…I can’t believe I am the same person.  As I slid that ring on his finger that day and pledged before God to be a faithful bride to my new husband, I knew I was in love with him.  But I had no idea how much that love would grow and change and deepen.  We have packed a lot into 5 years.  We have been through deep valleys and have been on mountaintops.  God has grown us and changed us in ways I might not have chosen…but it’s all part of His perfect plan for us.  I am beyond grateful that God has allowed me to experience a glimpse of His love for me through the love of my husband.  My husband’s love is beautiful and breathtaking to me…but it pales in comparison to God’s love.  It is just amazing to me that God, in His infinite wisdom, desired that I should have this relationship.  That He planned it and formed it.  The husband and wife relationship just can’t be explained except that it’s a “God thing”.  It’s a glimpse of heaven here on earth.  Not that it’s perfect at all, but it’s such a beautiful picture.

Thank you God for the amazing gift of my husband.  May you continue to change me into the wife that You desire me to be.  I am forever grateful for our 5 wonderful years together and all that You have taught me through them.  May You continue to be the center of our relationship.

Happy 5 year Anniversary to my one and only!