Thank you to all who were praying for our little friend Tru.  She passed from this life and into the loving and faithful arms of Jesus yesterday afternoon.  I rejoice that she has a new body with a perfect heart and will never experience pain again.  But my heart is so heavy and hurting for her sweet mother and father and brother and all those who loved her so dearly.  I pray for God’s peace to guard their hearts.

There are so many things in this life that I do not understand.  I do not understand why a three-year-old little girl dies because of a heart problem.  I don’t understand why my daughter’s life was spared when so many are not.  I do not understand why people have babies and literally throw them away when there are other’s who long to have a child and can’t.  I do not understand why a 26 yr old father of 2 is diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I do not understand why kids are sexually abused.  I do not understand why lovely and wise ladies get Alzheimer’s and forget who their children are, who their spouse is, and even themselves.  I do not understand “why” these things happen the way they do.  I do know that they will not stop happening until Christ comes back because there will always be sin in the world and therefore there will always be death (Romans 6:23).  I do believe with all my heart that when I get to heaven, and finally see things how Christ sees them, that it will all make sense.  And I also believe that it will no longer matter because we will be with Christ and He will be the ONLY thing that matters.  God knows our griefs.  He knows our hurts.  He hurts and grieves with us….for us (Romans 8:26).  He also knows the heart of man (Jeremiah 17:9) and that we had sin in our hearts from the moment we were conceived (Romans 3:23).  None of us are better than the other.  We are all lost in our sins.  We needed a Savior.  And God, in His wonderful grace and mercy provided that Savior who came to earth as a baby, died on the cross as our substitute and rose again to be our living Savior!  Not because we asked Him to.  Not because we loved Him so much (1 John 4:10) and not because we did so many good things to deserve it….but because He loved us (John 3:16).  What an amazing gift (Ephesians 2:8-9)!  So even though there will always be terrible, sorrowful, unspeakable things that happen in this world, those who know Christ as their Savior can have hope that this is not the end.  We will be with Christ someday where all things on this earth will pass away and the peace of God will truly reign in our hearts.  And until then, we also have the promise that He will never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6) and will always be with us (Isaiah 43:2).  Amazing.

I got up early today and made the trek to Des Moines because Ava had an eye appointment that I needed to get to.  We had already rescheduled once and I just needed to be there.  I actually enjoyed the drive.  I was alone with God and my cup of coffee for two hours and I don’t remember the last time that happened.  I spent the first hour just pouring my heart to God.  There was a lot of on my heart, but mostly I prayed for my children.  I was just thinking about Ava’s eye appointment (she’s been wearing glasses since she was 18-months and had eye surgery last spring) and just thanking God for those precious eyes.  I honestly don’t know how Ava sees the world, but I was thanking God for her joyful perspective and I was asking God to never let that change.  Praying that no matter what she is told, that she would see the world through God’s eyes.  That she would turn her eyes upon Jesus.  That she would be careful what her eyes see.  That Jesus would be her vision.  And yes, I think (and pray) in song a lot!  I prayed that my son would be a Daniel.  Completely devoted to God no matter his circumstances.  That he would be a protector for his sister and that he would seek wise council.  I prayed fervently for their future spouses and you know the thing about that is I could have been praying for one of your sons or daughters.  I think that is so cool!  Oh, I prayed for so many things for my children.  That they would walk in truth all of their days.  That they would humble themselves before God and acknowledge their need for Him.  And on and on and on.  I prayed a lot of mighty big things for them…but I was praying to my Mighty Big God who is able to do more than I could ask or imagine.  It was a precious time of pouring my heart out to God, letting the tears run freely.

Ava’s appointment went great and it worked out that Josiah’s Dad could stay with him tonight so I am spending time with Ava at my in-laws house.  Josiah is coming home tomorrow (Yay!), so I will have some time to get things ready for him.  Yes, my heart is divided in several different places right now…but God knows that.  I am thankful that I am able to spend some one-on-one time with my daughter and that is needed right now.  God is so good, even when times are hard.  I am thankful tonight for His faithfulness and His leading.