I think it could probably take a hundred posts to catch up on this title…but I’ll start here…

I’ve been contemplating what my relationship with God looks like…and actually viewing it as a “relationship”.  Maybe that sounds redundant…but it’s been profound to me.  Let me try to explain.  Think about any other human relationship that you have and imagine that you consistently put your desires over theirs.  Imagine that you rarely spent any time with them…not because you didn’t have the time but because you put everything and everyone else above them.  Imagine that when you did spend time listening to them you were so distracted that you barely took in a word and every time you talked with them you fell asleep or got sidetracked with your to-do list running through your mind.  Imagine that this person loved you enough to give up everything for you and you were not content with that…nope, you needed more.  Imagine you cheated on this person over and over and every time you got your heart-broken, you ran back to the one you knew loved you.  Now imagine this person taking you back every time…forgiving you every time without a thought…loved you completely just the way you were, despite your wayward thoughts and disinterestedness (and yes, that is a real word).  I know NO such human relationship.  It’s not possible because our love does have limits and our feelings get hurt and we are selfish to the core.  But my relationship with the One who made me looks like this.  Why is it that I can treat the human relationships around me with more care then the one I have with the God of the universe?  Who’s favor and love is so much more desirable than any other?  How is it that I, of all people, who have been at my breaking point over and over and had nothing left but my cries to Him for help, can so easily look away.  I can be so lazy in this relationship…so unwilling to put in the effort it takes to not only keep it close, but make it grow.

Like I said, I am learning about this relationship.  I am learning that when I tell my daughter that she can talk to Jesus about anything and everything, that I really need to mean it in my own life.  That even though my Savior knows every single thought of my mind and motive of my heart He LOVES it when I turn my gaze to Him and actually talk to Him.  His desire for that communication humbles me to my very core.  Why on earth would He want to hear from ME?  It’s because His love for me is something I cannot comprehend…but it should bring such awe to my very soul that my desire for that communication grows stronger, not weaker.

Oh Lord,

Change my heart!  You, and You alone are all. that. I. need.  End of story.  Help me to truly believe that so that no lie can penetrate it.  Strengthen my faith.  Fill me with hope.  Help me to overflow with Your joy and love.  I know that to know You and to be more like You, I need to spend time with you….help me to put that knowledge into action.

This song pretty much sums it up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc

I like to be comfortable.  I don’t like to be cold or hot.  Last week the temperature was in the 50’s and I will admit that I turned my furnace back on…and it wasn’t because of the children even though I may have used them as an excuse.  I don’t like to be hot either…which may be part of the reason why I don’t like to exercise.  I like to be comfortable.  Who doesn’t right?  But I can become consumed with being comfortable…it can become number one priority.  Being comfortable can start to dictate my life…I can’t go there because it’s too cold, or I can’t do that because I might get too hot.  Why am I telling you all this?  I’m glad you asked 🙂  I’m telling you this because this whole obsession with being comfortable can soooo be my spiritual life too.  Being hot for God is great…but it’s tiring.  Being cold is definitely not a pleasant place to be.  But sometimes I just want to coast.  To take it easy.  To be comfortable.  To just live life and not think too much about what God wants me to do every second of every day.  Now, this doesn’t usually happen on purpose.  I don’t just up and decide one day to be lazy in my walk with God.  Life happens.  Stuff happens and before I know it…my joy is gone.  My tenderness to His leading is gone.  And then I do have to make a conscious choice to get back in the heat.  To humble myself, ask for His mercy, and seek to listen and obey.  I found myself in that place last week (although, it can happen multiple times a day) and you know what?  God was still right there and exactly the same…waiting for me to surrender yet again.  It takes effort to stay in that Spirit led walk…and it’s not always comfortable (at least according to my definition).  He leads me to do things that I don’t want to do…things that make me…uncomfortable.  But the funny thing is…it’s the place where He brings me peace and joy, and it’s the place that I find…the God of all comforts.  Ironic, right?  So, I find again and again and again that the life that I thought would be comfortable…isn’t.  But the life that is wholly surrendered to my Savior…ahhhh, like a cool summer breeze…comfortable (according to God’s definition).

“So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” Revelation 3:16

“Oh, send out Your light and Your truth!  Let them lead me; Let them bring me to Your holy hill And to Your tabernacle.  Then I will go to the altar of God, To God my exceeding joy; And on the harp I will praise You, O God, my God.”  Psalm 43:3-4