I started writing a post last night in a quiet idyllic setting in the light of the Christmas lights after my kids were asleep. It was deep and introspective.

Then I woke up today to a sad and feverish little boy who just wants cuddles and Paw Patrol.

Real life.

Sometimes reality checks are good for me. They bring me back from my too deep thoughts. Because sometimes I just think too much. So I decided to start this post over and combine the introspective with the practical.

Yesterday was full of remembering. It was the ten year mark of my miscarriage of my sweet baby Grace. I always remember but it’s been a long time since I felt this emotional. Such a deeply personal memory. But in my sadness, I also remembered all of the blessings. My Mom remembers every year and that is so sweet to me. I remember going to a family Christmas within weeks of losing Grace and my Aunt staying up late and just listening to my raw thoughts and emotions. I’ll never forget that. I have a box with all of the sweet cards and notes I was sent from loving family and friends. I remember my Grandpa sharing his own sorrow of losing his great grandchild and how that made me feel less alone in my loss. And I have other memories that are just for me.

I have always felt a certain amount of melancholy during the holidays, even as a child. I’d like to put my finger on the reason…but I think it’s a whole mixture of things. This is not always the “happiest time of the year”, and that’s ok. I do love Christmas. I love all the traditions. I love finding that “perfect” gift. I love experiencing my children’s excitement. I love the simplicity and wonder of the Christmas story.

I’ve been reading through the Old Testament in my devotions and over and over God commands us to remember. In Luke 2 it says that “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart”. I’ve always identified with that. This is a perfect season to carve out time to remember, ponder, reflect…and to share! Share the blessings and goodness of God in my life through the hard and sad and also through the happy.

Because if all I do is just dwell and wallow in my sadness then I’ve missed the point. Reflecting and pondering on God’s faithfulness is what brings meaning to my memories and a deep joy in the midst of all the conflicting feelings and emotions.

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” Deuteronomy 4:9

Remember. Reflect. Ponder. Share.

And have a joyful Christmas!

An encouraging woman in my life died suddenly this past week. In grieving the loss of her not only in my life, but the loss in the lives of her loved ones and close friends, it brings back so many memories. My story is known because of my acquaintance with grief and loss. But as I was sitting in my friends memorial service and in talking with people this week, it made me think.

Yes, I am very familiar with grief and pain and loss…but that’s not all.

Because of deep loss and heartache I am also very familiar with God’s profound healing.

I have experienced God’s deep and transforming peace because of my experience with deep pain.

I know God’s faithfulness because I’ve known loneliness.

I have greater faith in God’s power because I have greater knowledge of my weakness.

I have felt a much deeper joy because I have felt such deep sorrow.

Grieving, in the moment, feels anything but blessing. But God’s desire is for our good…and He uses anything to bring us closer to Him or to make our relationship deeper with Him…including loss.

With Easter just a couple of weeks away, it’s a joyous reminder of God’s victory over death and sorrow and sin. I never fully grasped the significance of that until I watched the ugliness of death and the complete lack of control that we have over it. We feel the loss that death brings here on earth…but there is hope. Jesus brought that to us! Because of that we don’t just have to feel grief, but we can have joy and peace right along side it. The combination can be overwhelming at times, but that won’t always be the case. Someday in heaven, the grief and sadness and pain will be striped away, and all that will remain is the joy.

What a day that will be!