OK, so here’s the scoop…and I will apologize in advance if this is confusing because it’s still not quite clear in my head yet either. We discussed many different ideas and scenarios yesterday….enough to make your brain burst.
We got a phone call this morning to tell us what was decided in the doctor’s board meeting and instead of answer:
A. Go directly to surgery on the tumor’s in Josiah’s leg/groin
or answer:
B. Do another round of chemo while we wait for the surgery…just to keep the tumors from growing in the mean time
Instead we got answer:
C. Get an opinion from a thoracic surgeon
What does that mean? I’m glad you asked 🙂
First of all, the scans that Josiah had on Friday showed no change in the spots in the lungs (but at least they are stable) and also showed shrinking in the tumor in his leg! That is a very big answer to prayer because we learned yesterday that he had about 50% chance of the tumor shrinking and 50% chance of the tumor growing (which if that had happened we would have had a very different conversation with the doctor yesterday). That being said, the surgeons are still concerned with the lung legions and want to make sure that they can be removed before they would agree to move ahead with surgery. Hence, the Thoracic surgeon. We go back to Iowa City tomorrow to meet with this surgeon.
This journey continues to be a roller-coaster. Just when we think we’ve gotten used to one idea, another one gets thrown our way. None of this is easy. We are trying to take everything into consideration and move as God leads. There is a part of me that just wants to grab my husband and my babies and just run away from it all. But that would not be right. And yes, there is a part of me that just wants to completely fall apart at every turn. But that would not be productive and I have noses to wipe and diapers to change and owies to kiss and bedtime stories to read and a husband to stand by through sickness and in health (that’s right, I remember the promise I made almost 5 years ago). I am just as human and fallible as anyone…but I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me and a Heavenly Father who knows just what I need. When I have no smile left to put on my face…I use His. When I have no strength to get up with the baby one more time…I use His. When I don’t think my heart can handle another blow…He whispers my name and reminds me that I am His. None of this is a surprise to Him. He is still on the throne and I can trust Him. It is a choice that I make to trust Him daily, hourly…sometimes it’s not an easy choice but it’s the only one that is right.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up all neat and tidy…but I suppose that is fitting. My life is not neat and tidy. Thank you again and again for all your support and prayers.
Beautiful Things 
Jessica, thank you for sharing your journey and your heart. You have experienced more in a few years than I have in my life time. Through all your experiences there is one constant, your love and faith in our Lord. Well, there is one more constant, God’s love for you and He is in control.
I pray for and think about your family daily. Please give Ava a big hug from her Uncle Jon and Lilly. Oh, and give Lincoln a hug from an uncle he has not meet.
Love,
Uncle Jon
Thank you, Jessica for the up date. I would like to take your burden and give you all a big hug, but it is so nice to know that we have a heavenly father that can do that so perfectly.”The eternal God is your refudge and underneath are the everlasting arms.” May the Lord bless you and keep you from the torment of fear and anxiety, We will continue to pray for that miracle. Will miss you at camp. Lots of love, hugs ,and kisses. Grandma and Grandpa
Jess & Josiah,
It was oh sooooo wonderful to see you all Sunday and to have encouraging conversation with you both. I know neither of you are superhuman as it might appear to others, just two incredibly obedient, submissive children of a loving heavenly Father. As I shared with Josiah on Sunday, when it should be me encouraging you, you both continue to be such an encouragement to me and a faith builder in my life. My spiritual walk has deepened, my view of God has gotten bigger and my prayer life increased all because of what you have experienced in 5 short years. I still remember Mom J.’s challenge/prayer/demo at your rehearsal dinner of the two of you being arrows shot from the hands of warriors to impact the world you were being sent into to start a new life of your own. Wow! You have certainly been obedient to that call. None of us present could have imagined how quickly you would be called upon to meet that challenge. I love you all soooo much, but when I think of how much, it pales in comparison of how much our heavenly Father loves you & is keeping watch on every detail of your lives. His love is pure & undefiled where mine is selfish and wants what is best for the moment and not for eternity. He sees the big picture, I see the here & now. His plan for our lives is so much bigger than we can imagine in our finite lives. Press on dear ones knowing you are surrounded by the prayers of many and kept by His everlasting arms. Give the kiddos hugs & kisses from Uncle Doug & Aunt Karan.
Thank you for sharing your heart. This is how we felt with Kali, as far as getting use to one idea, and then being thrown another one, a completely different one. Frustrating is not the word for it. I am so thankful for writing from your heart and being completely open about everything, including your personal struggles. There are days when choosing to live by faith is just that-a choice. But God continues to be faithful and continues to hold and to keep our feet on the right path. Jesus was tempted in every way we are, yet without sin. And to think that the same Spirit that lives in Him, lives in us to enable us to stay on HIS path. To walk by faith. My heart and prayers are with you, and we rejoice in the good news! If you ever need anything, please let me know. You are very fortunate to have family so close, and a good church family.
“My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.” Psalm 73:26 (In all your spare time : ) take time to read the whole chapter-talk about crisis of faith! Asaph writes this well…as he moves from one extreme-anger towards God, to realizing that the blessing in trials is to HAVE God on our side.)
The Lord is sovereign. Jess, I’m so encouraged by your honesty with emotions/feelings, and how you don’t let that lead reality. I’m thankful for you and Josiah’s firm foundation in the Lord and His truth and Word guiding your precious hearts and minds. Praying for direction with Dr.’s/hospitals. I can see how God is being glorified through your life right now. Thanks for sharing how he is at work in your heart 🙂
We love you,
Julie (& Rob)
It was so Great spending time with all the johnson family, playing catch up. We enjoyed your children, they are truly a blessing and what a corker Link is I know that they help keep you grounded during this difficult time. But Josiah & Jess I just want you to know how much you have impacted alot of lives, and to think that God choose your family to show the world the love and Faith you have in God. We all know that you are not super human and you have your moments, but they are just moments and then you move on, and that is both of your faith coming through I just want you to know that my children are watching & listening and I pray that they will see the light you have and that they might want it also for their lives. We are all praying for everyone of you!!! Love and Blessings to you all.
What else can I say? It was the best treat of the summer to see you 4 on Sunday…you have no idea how much we all wish 3.5 hours distance was 3.5 minutes! You have been on the fore-front of our minds and prayer life this week as you continue the roller coaster ride. We love you!
Oh Blessed Ones! We stand with you as you persevere! I treasure your posts and your faith in the Lord. We continue to pray for the wisdom of God to be within those doctors and in you. May His strength continue to be a part of you in this day and each one as you move forward. Hugs and blessings, RHonda and Matt
It was so nice to be able to see you guys this past weekend. You two are such a walking testimony of His undying love and goodness. You put me to shame as I try to walk closer to Him each day. He is the reason we are all here and alive. He has such AMAZing plans for you two. What an honor and a high calling! He only allows for us to handle what we can. You two are incredible at staying the course and trusting in Him daily. You are in our thoughts always and every time we pray. We love you SO much, but our Heavenly Father loves you so much more. Isn’t His love phenomenal!
Jess & Josiah, Just want you to know how very much I love you and I keep praying for the miracle that only God can preform. Know this is hard on you but our God gives us the strength that we need when we don’t think we can take one more step.
Thank you for keeping us informed.