This week has not been without trials. It was a big adjustment coming home. We are of course enjoying just being together and making more memories. But it doesn’t change the fact that my husband is dying. He has grown very thin and because of his pain, he is on medication which changes him. The medication makes him very sensitive to noise and activity, so even though we have had the kids here (Ava for several days and both of them for one night), Josiah does better with short visits. We know that having them at my parent’s house is best right now, but it tears at both of our hearts.
Last week, at the hospice house, was such an intense time…I can’t even explain it. Josiah really did feel like his hours were numbered and he was ready to be with the Lord. It was ripping my heart out so much seeing him in so much pain that I was to the point of letting him go too. We decided to put in the drainage tube and so much relief was given. Plus, we were given more time together. Such a blessing! But it didn’t come without some downfalls. I don’t think it’s possible to live through some of the most intense emotions I have ever known last week, without some kind of exhaustion and confusion.
This cancer has taken so darn much of our lives…and it seems to just keep taking little bits more. I don’t let myself dwell on that because then I would just be an angry person all the time, and being angry is such a waste of time (I know). I force myself to be thankful instead and to think on the fact that this cancer will not win…death will not win…Christ will be victorious in all of this! God really does have a perfect plan in all of this and even though I don’t have the foggiest idea what that is right now…I trust Him completely. When you know Christ as your Savior and the Holy Spirit lives within you, He truly does give you strength as you need it. So, those of you who tell me that you couldn’t possibly get through something like this…you are right. Because God hasn’t given you what you don’t need. Does that mean this doesn’t hurt? I hope by reading some of my blog you realize that is not true. But He really does give peace that passes all understanding and His mercy is new every morning. He keeps His promises and I am resting….no, living on those promises, because there is nothing in this world that gives me hope. It only comes from God.
Beautiful Things 
Praying everyday. You are a beautiful woman, Jess. Thank you for being such an amazing testimony of God. He is so proud of you. So very proud.
Your honesty and sensitivity to the Lord is a blessing to me. Your blog is giving the rest of us an opportunity to learn from your experiences and pain. You’ve allowed me to think of things I’ve never thought of before. I have no idea how I would respond to the trial you are enduring. But I praise God for the example you have been through God’s grace. I am praying God will continue to give you grace and peace.
Praying!
It meant so much to me on monday to hear you both were praying for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are never far from my mind. And both of you have been often in my prayers.
This past month it is as if God has made it a point of making me remember both of you. My lung has been irritated (by catching a cold on top of the regular cough) to the point that the cough has caused some muscle injury around my ribs. Though the pain isn’t something I want to go through again, it caused me, almost everytime I drew a painful breath, to cry out for Josiah and the pain I know he must be going through. Also for you Jess, I can’t imagine. I’ve watched what Dustin has gone through just with my problem, and it is nothing compared to yours. So, all of that just to tell you that we are praying for you. And, to thank you for the encouragement you both are as we watch God bring you through this.
Praising God for more time here on earth together for your sweet family. I couldn’t agree with your statements any more. I have NO IDEA how you guys are getting through this but given the circumstances, you just do. I trust God will give both of you the strength you need to face what’s ahead & pray that Josiah is called to his eternal home in HIS time. My heart breaks for you daily & our boys & our Bible study group are praying for you all….just know that your journey is touching lives & bringing others to know the Lord.
In HIS Grip,
Emily for her boys
Ditto to what Olivia said! You 2 are my faith heros! On our knees everyday for you both! Sending so much love….Sarah, Nate, Jude & Cely
Jess and Josiah,
Life is so unpredictable…Though it is hard-I’m glad we know a God, THE God who holds the whole world in the palm of His hand. Thank you for your testimony and your love for Jesus through this all. Jess-your attitude towards trials has never ceased to amaze me…Jesus continues to be glorified through you both. Praying much for your family! In Christ, annie.
Still praying every day for you all! Once again, your wisdom and your thoughts and your faithfulness are feeding me. God bless you, Jessica, and your whole family.
from the pen of A. W. Tozer: In the Lord there is mercy, but in the World there is none, for life and death move on as if unaware of good and evil, of human sorrow or human pain. Again–in the Lord there is mercy.
Our ability to “feel” is one of the marks of our divine origin. At times we might wish this ability to “feel” could be withdrawn for a season. We need not be ashamed of either tears or laughter; both have benefits. Thanks for sharing. Grandpa & Grandma Stephenson
Thanks for being so transparent. It helps to know how to pray…and we are continually. Thank you for the update. Ken has been looking often to find out how you are. You are…Continually in our prayers…
You are an amazing woman Jess. God has his perfect plan in all of this. Unsure of what that is at this time YES. Can you imagine going through this without a HOPE or a SAVIOR? Thank God for his mercies. They are new every morning. Praying for you as you continue to care for Josiah at home. May God give you peace and endurance at this difficult time. We are so very happy that Josiah is able to spend his days at home with his BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, MOST THOUGHTFUL, PRAYING, DILIGENT, GOD HONORING wife. You are #1 on my HERO list! I love you girl. 🙂 Keep pressing on for the HIGH calling of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Jessica, Josiah,
Ditto what everyone has said above. The Lord brings you to mind many, many times a day. I check your blog at least 2-3 times a day. I’ve shed so many tears as I process your journey and wonder how I would deal with what you both have been given. But the tears are for you as well, tears of joy, sadness, hope, frustration. You know the funny thing is, of course I know you both, but not that well. Its more of an association thing, having spent time with your family Jess thought homeschooling activities, but then God moved us on. Still the gift you’ve given all of us as we’ve shared your life through first Ava’s blog and now this one. I feel like I know you so well. You and Josiah have been mighty instruments of God’s grace to me, to all of us. Words seem so limiting. I guess I just want you to know that all over this world, you both…all four of you are being lifted up, and God is being glorified. Thank you for all you have taught me. We love you guys. Cathy
Ditto to what everyone has written. Jess, in His hands, you are amazing, and so is Josiah. What blessed children you have! I also check often to see updates, so ditto on that as well.
love, Sheila and Kent
I am continuing to pray for you both! Jess, you have been such a great example through all of this in your writing. Thank you for sharing your heart. May God continue to provide you with peace that passes all understanding. I am so glad that you both know Christ as your Saviour! I can’t imagine going through this at all, let alone without knowing Christ. I will continue to pray for comfort for Josiah and that the medications would ease his pain. I will pray for you as his nurse too and that God would continue to give you strength and keep you healthy! Love you!
Amanda
Jessica,
You have encouraged me…and many others…and as the Lord helps you through this .You are encouraging many. I asked my Mom to pray for you and she shared your blog with their church prayer chain and your blog is encouraging other folks that are dealing with severe illnesses. HIS HOPE and PEACE are more REAL than feelings that come and go and change and change and change, aren’t they? Praise HIM for THAT. HE will carry you ALL through all this.
Praying often for you and Jess and all your families…especially for strength and wisdom for you.
With HIS love and a thank you too,
Nadia Jaques
Thank you for the update, Jess! I feel as though I know each of you from my talks with Aubs and reading your blog. I am grateful to hear how all of you are doing, and I continue to pray that all of you constantly receive comfort and strength from the Lord. Your love for the Lord and unceasing faith is a blessing for those around you. You are undoubtedly guided by the Holy Ghost. And there’s no doubt in my mind that it helps Josiah during this time. May your precious moments together be better than imaginable. Sending unceasing prayers and warm smiles in your direction.
Dear Jess and Josiah,
I don’t personally know you, but I know Mary, Josiah’s mom, through homeschooling. I am so sorry for all the suffering you are enduring. When a Christian suffers, the entire body of Christ suffers, too. We all feel a measure of your pain and so wish we could take it away from you. I believe God weeps with you in your suffering.
Because God is always good, He did not cause this, but He has used it for good to make you more like Christ. I have followed your blog a few months and can see much maturity and wisdom in character. I am sure the same can be said for Josiah.
I just heard this said about Christians: since we will live forever, we all have a life span of “eternity” and some live more on earth and some live a little longer in heaven.
There are many like me that you don’t know who are holding you up before the Father, praying for both of you.
God wants you to be encouraged by Psalm 84, especially vs 6-7 but all of it. It talks about going through the valley of Bacca (weeping) and then going from one strength to the next strength. When one measure of strength runs out, God will give give you a new measure of strength.
Love in Christ,
Nancy Milton
Psalm 84: 1-4 How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
God bless you and your family.
Josiah and Jessica, We are praying that God continues to give you want you need to deal with what is happening in your life. It so apparent in your blog that you are fullung leaning on him during this difficult time in your lives. Cherish every moment you have together and keep trusting God, he will get you through this and all the days to come.
Jess, thank you for being so open with us. We continue to pray for you, Josiah, the kiddos and your families. Praising Him for His grace. Love and hugs, Rhonda
Josiah and Jess,
You are both such an inspiration to so many of us, as a young couple that has such a strong unwavering faith and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ. You have touched so many lives already, and to people that don’t even know you! May God be glorified!
God is using the both of you as His instrument, and through you, He is teaching me to strive more to become a woman after Gods own heart.
One of my favorite verses has always been;
Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Than you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Thank you for sharing your story to all of us.
I am praying for your family.
Love always,
Amanda
Praising God for the both of you (and your families) and for each moment that you get to spend together. Above all – for the continued faith that is seeing you through this. Continuing to pray for Josiah and his pain/comfort and for Jess – the strength needed in each day.
Praying every day. Always in my thoughts. You both truly have a ministry in your suffering. The Lord will say “Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servants” Thank you for your faithfulness and sharing. Always praying for God’s precious peace and comfort to you.
Maggie and I are praying for you! You have your focus on God! Thank you for your testimony!
Praying for you and your precious family.
“May you awaken to the glories of his goodness,
and go to sleep in the shelter of his smile.”
Love and Prayers,
Huntington, WV
Hey guys
Love the new pic. Love the camo on your guys. And Ava’s hat is to cute. Lookin’ good, girlfriend. Been thinking so much of the song “In Christ Alone” and just taking comfort in the truths –
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final death,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man
can ever pluck me from His hand.
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand.
We’re praying for you as you stand in that power. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace and as you trust in Him may you overflow with hope from the power of the Holy Spirit.
Love and hugs from MO
My church and I have all of you in our prayers. We know that ultimately Josiah will be restored to a new body with our Lord. However, I also know how difficult it is to see a loved one suffer, and the pain of survivors after a loved one dies. I rejoice in that you have a strong faith. Our Lord Jesus truly knows human suffering, cries with us, and gives us strength to walk through the dark valleys.
Tomorrow my very special gentleman has surgery for lung cancer. He feels perfectly well, but I don’t know what lies ahead. Your courage inspires me.
God bless you!
Nancy Stoner
Jess and Josiah,
Thank you for your faith and your true, genuine commitment to God and His promises. Though I do not know either of you well, it has been clear to me in the last year that your hearts belong to Jesus, your hope is in Him alone. The way you have chosen to honor God and rejoice in all of the hard circumstances and decisions has spurred me on to do the same. Praise God for your eternal percpective, I pray He blesses your love and faithfulness to Him and to eachother. You are in my prays and I am so thankful for both of you.
Look up!
Kristen Nordaker
Dear Jessica,
I just wanted to thank you for the “wake up call” I needed. Reading about your Faith, Love and Strength in God and Your Family is Amazing. You clearly have both been blessed by God to have each other. You have definitely enlightened me to be stronger in my life with God. Make more time for my husband and children and to not waste time. Brian and I both have been thinking of your whole family constantly and want you to know you are in our private and family prayers.
Thank you for your gifts.
Lisa Stevenson
Jess…thank you for keeping us updated with Josiah’s health so we know how to pray. I wish I had some outstanding advice or wisdom I could pass along. The best advice (this is from personal experience with cancer) is to live without regrets. Spend as much time with your loved ones while you can. If I could give you a hug I would! It seems like your doing an amazing job….keep looking to God for strength and wisdom precious girl.
Hi Jessica;
We’ve never met but I’m a friend and co worker of Josiah’s dad, Dennis. I have been praying for Josiah’s healing for several months. I just learned of and read your blog for the first time this morning. My heart goes out to you and your family. There are many others in Minnesota praying for you and Josiah as well.
Your strong faith is so inspiring and truly glorifies God!
I will continue to pray for a miracle. Either way, I know, that you and Josiah know, that Christ is Victorious and that we will all be together one Glorious Day.
May God Bless You and Keep You!
You are so right! The strength that God gives us during times like this is nothing that anyone can understand, unless they have been there. It is so hard to describe, but thankfully He give is to us. It doesn’t make it easier, but……what am I saying, I can’t even describe it!
You will make it, because I can see by reading your posts you are an amazing woman of God, and He is will never leave you or forsake you, with that combination, you can’t lose!
Beth Eggemeyer
PS. Sorry, my comments are mostly to Jessica, but Josiah, don’t think I’m not still praying for you too!
My prayers have been for you to have a “peace that passes all understanding” and that you would see that “His mercies are new every morning”. No coincidence that you mentioned these 2 things in your post. God is good and He’s with you both!
Josiah and Jess, Please know that we are praying for you every day. Your desire to please our Lord and totally trust Him for all is so very encouraging. Being grieved and angry is part of the emotional beings God made us to be … but in the end you are not controlled by those emotions, you are being controlled by His Spirit dwelling deep within you – the very Spirit that prays in earnest for you both and whispers, “Trust – obey what you know and trust me for the rest.” And God the Father is so very pleased with your response to Him! You are good and faithful servants – blessed by Him and a blessing to all of us!
In His strength and mercy alone,
the Kambergers
Hi Jess…
As I sat and poured my heart out to God this morning on your behalf, I kept thinking about how hard it is to be a parent. You start out pregnant with these glorious ideas of how life will be when you finally give birth. Then labor comes and you think that will be the worst thing you will go through and that baby in your arms confirms that all will be well. Then the sleepless nights come and you think that once that gets over, all will be well. But something else always comes along. Each time you think, all will be well…the two’s are over, the pre-teens are over, the teens are over…your children are married. Life is great, right???? It just gets harder. When you guys were little, we just kissed the elbow, knee or forehead and you smiled and all was well. Now…well…it is almost a “helpless” feeling. We cannot physically do anything. As a mom, that is so very hard. We want the pain, the hurt, the tears to be ours, not yours. So just as you share your heart, I am sharing mine. I know the Lord is faithful…I have seen it in your lives. I know the Lord is good…I have seen it in your lives. I know He and only He gives grace and strength…I have seen it in your lives. I know without a doubt, He loves you. I just wish I could see the big picture like He does. It would help the heartache every time I POUR my heart out to Him. You two have been used by God more than some missionaries in a lifetime. Your story has reached many, many lives. Your blog has been such a blessing to me and Ken. Please know as a mom, I want it to be different. I want to take it away. But as a child of God, I know He has a purpose and I would not want to thwart that in any way. I just…continue to pray…and love you all in the only way I know how…a mom’s way. Continuing to pray…
We whole heartedly agree.
Thanks for sharing Marcia.
Josiah is our Beloved son.
The man of God that we prayed he would be, even before he was born.
Jessica is our Delight.
The woman of God who we prayed, that he would someday marry.
We treasure them both till the end of time.
Ps.27:13-14
I would have lost heart,Unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord.
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord.
Be of good courage,and He
shall strengthen your heart,
Wait, I say on the Lord.
We are praying and hoping that God uses all of this to bring many into a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ our Lord.
If we heard of that happening…it truely would be goodness in the land of the living.
We would love to hear of that.
God’s miracle working power for healing for Josiah, is not beyond what God Almighty can do.
If it is His will.
Ava lives~ so we know that to be true.
We wait on the Lord and we pray for His will.
Josiah’s Dad & Mom
I’ve been encouraged by your love for our Lord and your trust that He has a good purpose in all of this. Praying for both of you and your children. May Ava and Lincoln grow to be as faithful to God as their parents.