- In thinking about Mother’s Day about a month ago, I purposed in my heart that I would not feel sorry for myself. Yes, Josiah will not be here to make my day special (because let’s face it, my kids are currently CLUELESS!)…but that doesn’t mean that I should wallow in self-pity. Will it be tough? Yeah, probably…but I can make the most of it. So, I decided to just buy myself something special…and being a female, I chose jewelry 🙂 There was a “mommy” necklace” I had been eyeing for a while and I just felt like Josiah would say “Honey, just buy it for yourself”…ok, maybe not….but he probably would 🙂 Anyway, I ordered it and it came a couple of weeks ago.
(it's hard to see but each disc has one of the kids names and their birth-stone and I added a pearl for my baby Grace in heaven)
I LOVE it! It’s just what I wanted. Of course it was a little bitter/sweet receiving it…but that’s for another post.
- I also bought myself a pair of shoes…you know, for Mother’s day 🙂
Aren’t they ca-ute!
- After much debate, I took my wedding ring off yesterday.
It was time. I had been debating this for months in my head, wondering what to do. I consulted “Widow’s for Dummies”….oh wait…there is no such manual. I decided that it’s just one of those things that each widow (or widower) has to decided for themselves. I felt like I was lying having it on…but I also felt like I was lying taking it off. I still absolutely LOVE it. Josiah had it made for me and painstakingly picked out each diamond himself. I didn’t like the idea of just putting it away, so I am wearing it on my right hand. I’m still getting used to it. I feel lop-sided and I still try to play with it on my left hand. But at least for now, it’s the right thing for me.
- Remember when I mentioned the first time I cleaned my bathroom after Josiah died? Well…I have yet to wash my sheets. I know…gross. But I just haven’t made the time to do it…and I’m sure there is some sentimental reasons mixed in there too. Like I have said before, I have started a whole new life and that includes re-learning how to do some of the most basic tasks. And also finding a different motivation to do them then for my husband.
- While we are on the subject. I still only sleep on “my” side of the bed. There is usually a stack of pillows on the other side. That started off as a comfort measure as it made the bed not feel so empty…now it’s just habit.
- I changed my facebook relationship status from “Married” to “Widowed”…ugh. I wanted to put a giant “dislike” after it. That may not seem like that big of a deal, but it was hard and something that had been weighing on me to do. There are lots of things like that.
- I am seriously looking into some changes (and a face-lift) for my blog…stay tuned 🙂
OK, so not all of those are confessions…oh well 🙂
Beautiful Things 
Jess, you have such an amazing spirit and strength that I know come from the Father. Thank you for the honesty. Keeping you in my prayers….
Jess,
The shoes are gorgeous! The necklace is priceless and I think you are incredible!
You don’t know me but I’m Jennifer Sullivan’s auntie in Montana. She shared your site with me before you lost Josiah, I have followed it ever since and so have a couple of my friends here in town.
The good Lord is using you in ways we will probably never know and sometimes you express things that we all would like to express. I’m so grateful for your “upfrontness.” I laugh and cry with you and hold you up in prayer.
I sleep with the pillows the way you do when my hubby travels and I wear his shirts because I like the smell, and yes dear, it’s okay (not that you need anyone’s permission) to not have changed the sheets yet – it will come in time.
Please have a wonderful Mother’s Day; I’m glad you hugged yourself and treated yourself – it’s okay to do that. 🙂
Peggy
PS I love your hair and I love your sense of humor and I love that you take pictures and share. Thank you.
Three cheers for Jessica:) You have made some decisions on how to handle some very tough things. Sometimes widowhood freezes our decision making. Your post shows you are fighting against self-pity that can seems so strong and justified. Instead you are stepping forward into your grief. It seems strange, but when you embrace it you actually have some control over it.
Wedding rings are such a personal issue and each widow must find what works for them.I am another widow who decided to move my wedding ring. It is on my right hand to remind me of God’s promise (Isaiah 41:13)to me on this journey of young widowhood that He placed me on.
Have a happy Mother’s Day, to a great mom!!
Love the new stuff…u totally deserved it. Love the color of your new shoes. Hey dont feel bad for not changing the sheets…I think subconsciously you still want to hold on on what is “left” of him…specially his essence. Take your time and do it when you feel ready…Hey I will like to know what are your plans…are you planning to start looking for a job…tell us how are you embracing these new changes. Thank you for writing.I will be praying for your and your children’s provision and protection.
God bless you.
That necklace is just so perfect. I love love love it 🙂
And the shoes……totally match the necklace–hah! No for real. They are AWESOME. I’m always a little jealous when people find awesome shoes–not that I don’t find my fair share, but most of the time brown or black is where I land. Those my dear….are fantastic 🙂
My heart aches for you in the road you are walking. You are so incredibly brave. Continuing to pray for you.
Alright, I want a pic of whatever dress you’re going to wear with those ca-ute shoes! Wowzer! Those are hot! I also “received” footwear for Mother’s Day. 🙂 Merrell tennis shoes in chocolate brown and light blue. They’re really comfy and now I can burn up my treadmill without my arch falling in. I kind of feel like a granny who bought orthopedic shoes…he,he….but as long as I can get my power walk groove on I think I’ll hold off the granny title for another year or two! Loved the necklace. Happy Mother’s Day!!!!
Thank you for being wise enough to hear Josiah’s voice and to buy yourself the necklace and the shoes. It was the right thing to do.
As for the ring, the sheets, you get to make your own rules. And maybe, just maybe, the Lord will have YOU write the manual for how to be a widow. 🙂 You have learned much at His feet.
Beautiful photos! I adore the post so much! xoxo
I am not a writer like you, but I do want you to know that I appreciate your blog so much. Your honesty has made me think of things I sooooooo take for granted. So often I just do something because it’s habit (like changing the sheets). I’m learning from you that routine things take a lot of effort and purpose when your life is turned upside down. I need to analyze my motive behind my actions more often like you have been forced to do. I need to ask myself am I doing this because God is pleased or because I want to be “Mom of the Year”? Crazy, I know, but what is the reason behind the action???
The shoes and necklace are fantastic!
Happy Mother’s Day, Jess.
Absolutely adorable shoes. I do think you should get the shoes you and Amanda tried on. 🙂 What a hard thing to move your wedding ring. Continuing to pray for you! Love you!
Love those shoes! Even though Josiah isn’t here to tell you this, you must know you’re an awesome mom! I love what another commenter said about how you’ve been at His feet. It’s so true–and Ava and Lincoln are blessed to have a mother who is learning how to be a mother at the feet of the Father.
I’m praying for encouragement and a sunny heart for you this week, dear one!
Joanna
The necklace and the shoes…LOVE!
And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read your blog in the past months and thought about the little things I take for granted — those things that I’ve never really thought about that would change if Dave wasn’t here. Thanks for always giving me perspective. Praying for you!
Jess, Both Dick and I are truly blessed by your ability to share your life through the trials and joys that have come your way. The pictures are worth a thousand words! Your love for the Lord and for your children are strengthening to us. It makes us more aware of the need for gratitude in our lives. God’s gift of life–our families–are truly on loan! Someday we’ll understand. “It will be worth it all.” Praying you will continue to have comfort, strength & wisdom in your daily life! Carol