So…my birthday is this week…ok, actually it’s tomorrow. And I’m not writing this to gain attention…I just needed to write it down to admit that it’s actually going to happen. You see, I’ve been in a bit of denial…just not wanting to face it. It’s just one more “first” and honestly, I just wanted to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t coming. But it’s here and I can’t control that. I have almost sat down several times to write about this and reminisce past birthdays spent with my Beloved and lament all the years we were “supposed” to have together. I was struggling with all of this just last night and pouring it out at my Savior’s feet. Admitting that I knew I needed to get my heart ready for His blessings that He wanted to give me…but also admitting that I just didn’t want to. So, in essence I was telling God that I didn’t want His blessings. How foolish. And how vain that I thought that I could dictate what God wanted for me. All my foolishness and heart-ache has been crashing down today. God’s blessings have poured down and I am so humbled and thankful that He sees me where I am and He sees what I think I need, and He gives me what He knows I need anyway.
So, tomorrow’s my birthday. I will be 26 years old. I wouldn’t have believed all God had planned for me last year so I won’t even try to guess His plan for me this year. All I know is He is good and He is faithful and bit by bit He is healing my bruised and bleeding heart just as He promised. Over the past few days, I did come out of my funk long enough to make some plans…we’ll see how it all turns out! My heart’s prayer for tomorrow is that I would choose joy.
Aware
(by: Salvador)
Even in the little things
That never seem too big to me
And the things that I thought
Didn’t matter much at all
As simple as my daily bread
To the strength I need to get out of bed
When I fly, when I’m about to Fall
It’s you in me
That I fail to see
Make me aware, make me see
Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware
When my life is hanging from a thread
And I think about the things you said
In this moment seems so far away
Help me see the guarantees
That first brought me to believe
So I can make it through another day
Oh, it’s you in me
That helps me to breathe
Make me aware, make me see
Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
All acknowledging you’re the reason I’m even here
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
Make me aware, make me aware
Help me see, Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware
Beautiful Things 
I hope your birthday is truly wonderful! I’ve been praying for you. Your testimony is a continual blessing to me. May your day be filled with wonderful friends and family, lots of fun times, and maybe some pampering! 🙂
Happy Birthday Jess! We are always thinking of you and praying for you. I’m sure your little darlings and your parents will help to make your birthday as special as possible. I pray that you feel Josiah there with you as well. We need to get together again this summer sometime! Let’s plan something soon.
Take care,
Jen
Praying for you, Jessica, that the Lord will speak precious words of life to you that you can keep returning to and clinging to like He gave me on my first dreaded bday without Jim.
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♪♫ “Happpppy birrrrthday to you!” ♪♫ ♫♫ ♪♫
Dear Jess,
Happy Birthday again and again! Though I cannot put myself where you are at by any means, I want you to know that birthday wishes will come from all over the states for you. You continually encourage so many around you with your faith in WHO Christ is and your complete desire to glorify Him. You have blessed many with your words and my prayer today is that many will bless you with their words today. O Jess-“may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” Love from KC,
annie.
Happy Birthday Jess!
Happy birthday! Thank you for challenging me to be content where I am, even though I’m not walking a road like yours. You are a huge blessing to us!
Joanna
Happy Birthday! I will be praying for you.
First, happy, happy birthday Jessica!
This morning I read this in my devotions and the Lord immediately brought you to mind…
“The psalmist confessed, “This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.” Psalm 119:50 The word quickened is the Hebrew word chayah and means “to put life into, to live anew, to recover, to make alive, to refresh, animate.’ When you are feeling low, drained of all emotional energy and wiped out, how do you feel alive again? You read and claim God’s promises. They are your life. The Moffat translation says, “Thy promise puts life into me.” The NLT says, “Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles.” And again the psalmist confesses in verse 93, “Never shall I forget they lawas for they put new life into me.” 1 Peter 1:23″ ~Nancy Campbell
I hope this encourages you Jess. God’s gift to you everyday…His promises, His Word!
Hello Jessica!
I’ve been out-of-town so I’m jut catching up with you and your family on this unimaginable journey. Please keep writing.
I pray you were able to smile through the tears and celebrate your 26th birthday. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
Happy Birthday, Jessica – what’s left of it. Still praying for you in Indiana.
Dear Jess,
Thanks for continuing to share. I think of you, Ava, Link and your entire family often and can relate going to the cemetary and having the talk with God and my Grandmother. While it’s not the same as you and Josiah – my grandmother was my biggest source of support and inspiration – bringing me to church every Sunday as a child and expressing her faith freely. It has helped me through many a day. Not to say that I don’t have hard days. I do and I know that God is challenging me. I sit on the ground and talk to her and to God. Sometimes when the kids are with me I talk/pray silently to her and the tears flow. The kids have come to understand that I miss Grandma immensely – but that being there also provides me peace. A belated Happy Birthday & HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!
Hope to see you soon~
I am trying to catch up on your posts. I think I had six to read. We have been gone so much this spring. I am ready for staying home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! – a little late. I am sure you have some Ava-isms from that day! I imagine your precious wee ones made your day special!
It was good to see you. Thanks for the hug. I feel sometimes like the issues I deal with are dealt with in your posts. You have such a ministry. I totally identify with needing to spend time with the Lord and knowing it is what is needed and then not doing it.
Thanks for sharing when you get around to it. It truly blesses me and also helps me/us to know how to pray.
Call and come swimming. Ken keeps the water nice and warm for me. Others use it. Just call and make sure I am home. I’ll get in and help. Continuing to pray…
Still praying for you and your kiddos, Jessica. May God’s grace and comfort be so very present to you! Happy Birthday!