August 16th…the day my husband was born. He would have been 28 today. How does one celebrate the birthday of someone who has died? I suppose everyone has to figure that out on their own. I knew, at least for my kid’s sake, that I could not ignore this day…well, I couldn’t even if I tried. So, I started preparing Ava a couple of days ago and her first response to hearing about her Daddy’s birthday was “are we going to celebrate?”. I said, you bet baby, we are going to celebrate. But how do you do that? Well, if you were me, this is what you might have done…
You may have bought your children rocks and let them go to town painting them…
and you may have bought balloons…one saying “Happy Birthday Dad” and was left at the cemetery and three more which you may have let go and watched float away…
and you may have attempted to take a picture with your kids…thinking that if you took a picture there that maybe, just maybe, it would feel like a complete family picture…but found it not to work…again…
and you may have written notes, on the before mentioned rocks, for your children…and then let them show them off a bit…
and then you may have heard your little girl say she needed to go potty (hmmm…deja vu) and you may have smelled a certain funny smell coming from your little boy. So, you probably would have decided to leave and while driving away you may have listened to your husband’s favorite song and wondered what his favorite song was now. You probably heard your little girl change her mind about needing a certain facility and convinced yourself that a your little boy didn’t really smell that bad. Then you may have stopped on your way home to get a car wash and then decided to grab a bite to eat at Sonic, which may have been conveniently next door. And when you got there and ordered your food, you may have decided to eat at a picnic table because the day was so gorgeous (after you took a certain indecisive and small-bladdered girl to the bathroom for good measure of course).
and you may have driven home and watched your kids tear apart the house…which may or may not have included a certain little boy getting in touch with his feminine side…
and then you probably would have put said little boy down for a nap, then baked a birthday cake with your little girl, then tried to rest a bit yourself before packing up and heading to get Lincoln’s eyes checked…
and while playing with the toys in the waiting room you probably would have listened to Ava talk to her imaginary friend on the phone…and you may or may not have participated in said conversation…
and after receiving good news from the eye doctor, you may have been almost as happy as Link was upon receiving a sticker with his current most favorite thing on it…
and you may have thought your son looked like a stud when, for the first time in his life, he kept his sunglasses on because of his eyes being dilated and sensitive to light…
and you may have forced yourself to make supper and then allowed your children to watch a movie while they ate because you were feeling emotionally spent and knew the day was not over yet. You would then make yourself help the children decorate the cake you baked…
then you would let your daughter sing “Happy Birthday” to her Daddy and you would use trick candles just to make your kids giggle and yourself smile…
then you would take a picture together (but Lincoln would be looking straight at the camera and because his eyes were still dilated, they would be ridiculously red and you would have to change the photo to black/white)
and just to prove that you can be a fun mom, you would take a silly picture…
oh, and another one, just for kicks…
maybe one more…
Then you would have let your daughter stick her finger in the frosting and lick it off multiple times because it was too late to eat an actual piece and the thought of it made you want to choke anyway.
And that would be the end of the picture taking for the day because it was bed time. Plus you were a bit drained after keeping your son from any major scrapes and dealing with four-year-old drama which included her muttering, and I quote “I’m just not going to leave my room for three days”…how old is she again? But then you would remember all the hugs that your sweet boy gave out that day and you would revel in how contentedly he went to bed. And you would have a precious conversation with your daughter about heaven, which included you mentioning how amazing it will be to see Jesus and all the other people that we will meet and hearing Ava say:
“and we will meet Daddy” (with the most precious little smile on her face).
You would reply, “yes baby, we will see Daddy”
and then she would say the words that tug at your heart “and no more cancer”. Yes honey, glory be to God, no more cancer.
Because at the end of this day that brought so much pain to your heart, the bottom line is, your Beloved is free and well and celebrating the best birthday he has ever had…and while your heart so yearns for him…you know, without a single doubt, that you will see him one day…and every pain and every tear will be wiped away and you will live in complete and untainted joy for eternity.
If you were me that’s what you would be hanging onto, yearning for, living for…
Do you?
Beautiful Things 
Thank You Jessica for Honoring our son Josiah & our Precious Lord Jesus, whom Josiah gets to spend eternity with.How Glorious!
Looks like you all had a day full of wonderful things to make it special.
I could almost hear Josiah laughing at your day of events.
LOVE You ALL !!!!!
Dennis & Mary
What a precious post!!! What a precious family!!!
Much love,
Judy
Jess,
I prayed much for you yesterday when I read your facebook status. Grateful God gave you an extra measure of strength yesterday! Looks like you had an amazing time celebrating Josiah yesterday! I agree with Judy-an incredibly precious post-thanks for sharing with us and for challenging us.
Love you friend,
annie
Precious.
I so enjoy reading all your posts Jessica. What a hard day that you made so special for your sweet children. Ava is so wise beyond her years.
I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a birthday 🙂
You family has been in my prayers for the last year and I will continue to pray for health, strength, and lots of love and laughs for you family.
Blessings,
Kylie (Omaha,NE)
What an unforgettable day Jess! Thanks for sharing.
What a great post. It gave me a big smile hearing about your “new family”.
Luke
Precious! Thanks for sharing! Over the past 4 yrs we have done different things. Yet we eat always eat Daddy’s favorite cake and do/look at things connected to Jim.
I am proud of you for embracing the day instead of trying to run from it.
You are teaching your children how to embrace the grief and press through it, and as much as that hurts, it is more healing than bottling it up or trying to run from it. Grieving is hard work, ugly, and exhausting. Keep clinging to God’s hand, He will continue to lead you safely down this road that is so dark and rocky. Many HUGS!
Yes, Jess, I do. Thanks for all the cool pics and for telling about your day. And just a really random thought…your hair looks great!
Hi sweetie! We’ve been without internet for 2 weeks and it was finally just repaired! YAY! First thing I wanted to do was check out how you 3 spent your day yesterday. You all were on our hearts and in our prayers all day. You are such an amazing (& beautiful) 🙂 Mom! The pictures are too precious…love the rocks! and the fun birthday cake pictures! So many birthday memories were thought of thruout the day yesterday…and everytime tears started coming I thought of the amazing birthday party he’s having this year! WOW! How amazingly glorious! Love you guys so much! Heaps of hugs~Sarah, Nate, Jude & Celia
thank you for sharing…I love your storytelling with the pics. You and the children are in my prayers. I pray God protects you and provide for you and your sweet children
Thank you for sharing and being transparent. I am praying for you tonight. I hope to run into you again sometime. Sid still talks about Ava – so cute!
What a special day. I’m sure Josiah was pleased with your choices. The rock idea is great and the kids will love seeing them again when you visit the cemetary. I will continue to pray God’s grace is evident every day to you and the kids.
Prayers and blessings,
Thank you for blessing us with your post Jess and with all the great pics. You wore me out just reading all you did that day so I can only imagine how exhausted you were by the end of it all. Everything you did was a great memory for the kids to celebrate their dad. He would have loved the trick candles (he always did) and the silly pics! The Lord provided a simply beautiful day for your events and yes to arrive on heaven’s doorstep will be an even more wonderful day! Hugs to you all and God bless!
Love you,
The courage and joy God gives you is amazing. But why am I amazed that He gives what you (what each of us needs)? Your creativity in teaching your children is wonderful, Jess. They will “rise up and call you blessed.”
Love,
Jen
You are such a STRONG woman. You face things head on and roll with it. I was glad to read that you did something special with the kids to celebrate Josiah’s short life. He’s in heaven watching over you, and most definitely smiling.
I continue to pray for your health, strength and lots of happiness.
Love,
Carrie
Oh, Jess. I continue to pray for your family. You continue to be such a light during difficult circumstances.
You are an amazing example of a mother who abides in Christ and depends on His strength to help you mother your children in His ways. Thank you so much for your example of resting and trusting in Him. Praying for you with tears in my eyes!
This must have been an incredibly hard day and I am sure the days building up to it were even harder. You have a way of pushing your needs aside to help your children work through all that they need to work through at each and every milestone that comes along. It would be a rare day when I do not think of you and pray for you and the children. I am aware of each day that passes and that each one must bring new challenges to cope with. It will continue that way as you seek to glorify God and raise your children to love Him. You are a blessing, Jess…to many. Continuing to pray…
Thank you for sharing the beautiful day. My brother was found dead in his home this September. He’d be 41 today. I was looking for ideas on what to do to make this a special day for my mom and kids – he was their favorite uncle. Can’t thank you enough for posting this.