The kids and I had our little Christmas today and really, for the most part, had a wonderful time together. Can’t say my heart is really into it, but I can’t help but catch my children’s excitement…I’m thankful for their contagious joy! We had one really bad moment where I just lost it and went to my room crying. It was something silly, but I guess it was the final straw. I could hear Ava crying in her room next door asking me if I was OK and saying “I know your sad Mommy and I know you miss Daddy…cause I miss him too”. That broke my heart. So, I sent up a flare to heaven asking for strength to finish the day and we carried on. I love how quickly little ones can move on to the next thing…wish I could be like that sometimes.
But…mostly I’ve been trying to really, intentionally, focus on the true meaning of this season and it’s not about me or about our loss…it’s about Christ. I’m so thankful that He was so willing to come to this dirty, messy world in such a dirty, messy way, because He loved such a dirty mess as me. Thank you God for that precious gift!
Breath of Heaven
I have traveled
Many moonless night
Cold and Weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I’ve done
Holy Father
You have come
Chosen me now
To carry your son
I am waiting
in a silent prayer
I am frightened
by the load i bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now
[chorus:]
———————————–
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, your holyness
For your holy
Breath of Heaven
———————————–
Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one, should of had my place
But I offer-all I am
For the mercy-of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me
Beautiful Things 
MERRY CHRISTMAS, What else can I say. We are so blessed that you are leaning on the Lord, as always. We love you so much, and pray for you daily. G&G
Love you all very much! Wonder what Christmas is like in Heaven? We miss you Josiah!
Merry Christmas!
Am so encouraged by your honesty and openness. God is good and He is faithful. I am so glad He strengthens us at times when we don’t know how to go forward. I have been reading your posts for about one year. I enjoy your Ava-isms. My husband and I have three wild boys. I just laugh when I read about Lincoln’s adventures. Thanks for your blog and God Bless.
thought of you and your little ones today… Merry Christmas! Christmas in Heaven is so beyond our grasp, but so amazing that your sweet hubby gets to thank our Savior in person for us! Praying for you always!
I have prayed more for you this month than any other. It has been fun to catch up on the last 3 posts. Your posts are not quite so sad anymore. They have always been encouraging to me and they continue to be…just not so sad. Your children are a hoot!! I am continuing to pray…
Jessica,
your posts always bless me. Love knowing how you and the Kiddos are doing so I can keep your needs and comfort in my prayers. I pray God will bless you and provide for you.
I know we don’t know each other yet, but I wanted to ask you a favor. There is this fairly new widow whos little boy was diagnosed with bone cancer this week. Her name is Charity. Please keep her in your prayers and ask your support group to pray for her. She is facing very dark times and prayers are the only thing it will sustain her as you and I very well know.
Thank you!
God bless you
Ana
Ana,
I am praying for Charity and her little boy. My mom passed away on September 28, 2010, after battling a 15 year battle with breast cancer. We all know how horrible cancer is and how devestated it leaves the family who is left behind to try and pick up the pieces and move on. But, our God is an awesome God, and He will take care of all of His children. My family is praying!!
Dear Jessica,
Due to the busyness of the season, I’m just reading your posts! I’m sure this has been a roller-coaster season for you being the first w/o your dear husband and father to your Ava and Lincoln. I so appreciate your openness in sharing your experiences and feelings. God has given you this gift to heal through your writing. Through your writing I both laugh and cry as I feel your joy and pain. I know the mixed emotions of this season as my eldest son died on December 22, 1985. Even though it has been many years now, my heart still aches on this day. Then I remember all the joy he brought to my life and thank God for this precious gift. We don’t know why things happen as they do in life, but God does have a plan which we can’t comprehend. What I do know, however, is that he’s always there with open arms, waiting for us share our sorrows and joys.
May 2011 bring you many blessings!