My last two posts were about my kids…I am so very thankful for the light and joy they bring to my life.  They make me smile so much and help me see the lighter side of things.  Love those two 🙂

But, life has seemed so heavy lately.  A dear sweet woman of God and a friend of mine passed from this earth and into the hands of God on Saturday.  She battled with cancer for several years.  My heart hurts so much for her family and I have to purpose in my heart to believe, yet again, that God’s ways are the best ways.  That can be hard when I see her grieving husband.  Or when I see her two little treasures now without their Mama.  Or when I hug her sisters and see the pain in their eyes after watching their beloved older sister slowly waste away.  But I know He will bring sweet peace and healing to all those who hurt.

I’ve been so focused on praying for the family and praying that God would show Himself to them…but I’ve been so blessed by how God has shown Himself to me.  I feel in some ways…undeserving or even selfish somehow.  And I have to get it through my thick head that I am taking nothing from them by receiving blessings myself.  My God has more than enough to go around and He has every detail worked out and that includes me.  He loves me and He knows my heart better than I do and He knows exactly what I need…even if I don’t even know to ask for it.  And I also know that many of you that have known about the sweet family I’m talking about have been praying for my heart as well…I can’t tell you how humbled I am by that.

On Saturday when I learned that my friend had gone to Heaven, it was so good and comforting to search out the verses that were my life’s blood in those last days of my husband’s life and those first days of widowhood.  When I got up Sunday I knew I needed to really spend some alone time in the Word.  I wrote about how I usually like to read about Christ death, burial, and resurrection on Sunday mornings.  Well, this week I was going to do that and I was just deciding which gospel account I would go to when I just felt like I should read in John.  So, I started flipping there and something caught my eye on my way.  I ended up reading in John 11 which is the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  I’ve read this countless times but God met me right where I was at in verses 5-6

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.”

Did you see that?  It clearly says that Jesus loved the family that was hurting and then in the very next verse it says that He stayed where He was two more days.  I don’t know about you, but when someone I love is hurting I want to help them immediately.  Hmmmmm.

Later in verse 15 it says;

“And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe.”

This is after Jesus learned of His friend’s death and He is speaking to His disciples.  Did Jesus really say He was glad for their sorrow?  Yep.  He did.  Not to sound sacrilegious (and I’ll get to my point in a minute), but that doesn’t sound like love to me.

But now I’ll move to verse 33:

“Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled“

OK, now that sounds more like it.  He was grieved for their pain.  Even though, He knew what was to come.  Even though, He knew that He was going to turn their sadness into rejoicing.  It still brought Him much pain to see those that He loved hurting.

So does that mean that when He makes promises like in Psalm 30:11-12, that even though He knows what is to come in my life and has promised gladness and joy, He still sorrows with me in the mean time?  Yes, I believe that’s exactly what that means.

This morning I was back to my regularly scheduled reading which happens to be in Deuteronomy.  Today I read chapter 8 where the story of the Israelites rescue from Egypt and subsequent living in the desert for forty years is being recounted.  Verse 16 jumped out at me:

“Who fed you in the wilderness with manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do you good in the end.”

Did you catch that last part?  ” to do you good”.    All that wandering around and all that hardship was for their good.  Wow!  That is powerful to me.  Because you know what all this shows me?  It shows me that I have such a very small view of what love really means.  And I have such a very small view of what good really means.  But it really makes me want to learn more!  My Pastor said on Sunday that everything is passed through God’s love.  That means that yes, even the hard stuff comes because He loves me.  He hurts when I hurt, but Him just taking it all away would not be for my good and in His sovereign plan…it would not be the loving thing to do.  And you know what the wonderful thing about this is?  In reading and meditating on all this seemingly heavy stuff…my heart feels lifted and I feel peace.  Unexplainable…perfect…peace.  And I fall more in love with my Savior who loves me enough to hurt me and hold me and heal me.

(Quite a few people have mentioned the song “Blessings” by Laura Story and it is a great song that I enjoy.  But here’s another song of hers that is also really good and goes right along with what God’s been up to in my life:  “Perfect Peace”)